


Trust Exercise

by Monochromehobo



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: AU little verse, Age Play, Caregiver! Ellie, Diapers, Hurt/Comfort, Infantilism, Little! Alec, Non-Sexual Age Play, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Other, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers, Wetting, both physical and mental, little verse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2020-10-27 17:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 26,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20763932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monochromehobo/pseuds/Monochromehobo
Summary: Alec had always resented his classification. He'd never had a caregiver before, and he'd been quite successful at convincing himself he was okay without one. Now he's confronted with reality after helping Ellie get over the events in Broadchurch.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You can thank urenogoodtomedead on here for this fic idea. After the positive reaction my little verse Good Omens fic got I was excited to start this one. Takes place at the very end of season one through the rest of the series. Alternate AU where everyone is born a little, a caregiver, or a baseline. Baselines are just normal adults, caregivers have the need to take care of children and littles and are very strong and protective my au. Littles are typically small, and regress to a certain age depending on the person, they are usually dependent on a caregiver.

DI Hardy tilted his head back, washing down a handful of pills with his tea. He shook his head, going back to his work. “Miller,” he called his subordinate, and dare he say, friend into his office, motioning for her to close the door after herself. “We’ve got a new suspect for the theft case, I’m going to need you to run these plates and then we can go out to question,” he decided to take on the case personally to distract her as much as possible from the Latimer case. He liked to pretend he didn’t care, but even he could see how much this was eating her up inside. Hardy returned to his work, trying to push past the immediate gut-wrenching feeling of taking suppressant drugs. Whatever side effects the drugs gave him paled in comparison to the inconvenient and utterly mortifying experience of being a little.

Alec didn’t fit the typical little archetype, luckily nobody had yet discovered his little secret he’d been hiding for well over 20 years now. Not even Daisy and Tess had found out. He had to give himself a pat on the back for that one. The suppressants helped him push through the days, even though he took more than advisable, especially given his state. Though most medical professionals would advise you take none, on the principle that they were horrendous for a little’s mental and physical health, on top of being illegal. Alec liked working, liked taking care of his family, and wouldn’t be caught dead in little space. Littles were well liked, after all who doesn’t love a cute kid? But that didn’t stop Alec from resenting his classification and rejecting anything that would reveal him to not be a baseline.

Although littles were adored by not only caregivers, they were seen as unsuitable for work, let alone have as demanding careers as Hardy. If anyone were to find out about his true classification it would put his job on the line. While it was illegal to fire someone based on their biological status, it would put his entire history into question. As was such Hardy was the only little on the police force in probably all of Britain. There were several caregivers that worked under him in Broadchurch, this wasn’t a surprise as caregivers had a natural tendency towards protecting, and an innate physical strength. Caregivers were well suited for the job and Alec would be lying if he said having caregivers around didn’t put his mind at ease just a little bit. Alec saw why Ellie had been first in line for his job, she was a caregiver after all and on top of that she was a phenomenal detective. Not that he would tell her that. 

They rode to the outskirts of town, Hardy not paying much attention to what Ellie was on about. His head pounded and his heart raced from the suppressants. He did catch Ellie saying something about how she was afraid of Fred growing up, because as a caregiver she needed somebody to take care of.

“I had a little before I was married, nothing serious just casual. Maybe I’ll have one again. Joe’s a baseline he doesn’t understand. Though I suppose you’re a baseline too you wouldn’t understand either,” she took advantage of Hardy’s zoned out state to ramble. The sheepish laugh he gave confirmed he was only half listening.

Alec tried to avoid talks about littles, he never liked to be reminded that classifications even existed. He hated littles. That’s what he told himself. What he told others is that he didn’t care, didn’t cross his mind. Which was true, it didn’t cross his mind, it was always there like a program running in the background. ‘Don’t let yourself be little, it’ll jeopardize everything. Don’t color on your casework. Make sure you go to the bathroom every hour. Take your suppressant pills.’ It was exhausting. So many things to think about on top of everything else going on. It could be a little much.

They pulled into a driveway nestled between two houses. The car matched the description and if they were in luck their suspect would be home. Alec looked sweaty, his hair clung to his forehead in large strands. Strangely Ellie found herself reaching out to brush them out of his face. In general Ellie didn’t ever feel compelled to take extra care of anyone over the age of 10 (little or otherwise) besides her own children, but more often than not she had to resist the urge to baby her boss. She chalked it up to Alec being rather sickly in nature. “You alright?” She asked, against her better judgment.

He slapped her hand away, giving her a disgusted look. “Yes, Miller. Turn off the car already.” Alec could see her mocking him as he got out of the car, but the truth was he was feeling rather faint.

They were in luck. The suspect opened the door nearly right away. Alec had begun to speak, when his started to feel like the room was spinning. He stopped mid-sentence and asked Miller to continue with the questioning.

“Right..” she said giving a sideways glance to where Hardy was squinting and rubbing the space between his eyes. She turned back to the door, continuing where he’d left off, “And where were you Tuesday night?” She scribbled down his answers. “And did you see anyone leaving the store that night?”

The suspect’s answers were inturuppted by the heavy thump of Alec hitting the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy with the response that this fic has been getting! I'm really excited that people like this fic as much as I enjoy writing it. (I do have a little Verse Good Omens fic as well if you haven't seen it.)

He woke up to the dull beeping of a heart monitor, knowing full well where he was before he even opened his eyes. Hardy hated the familiar sound, the bustle of the staff and the repitive sound of monitors was maddening. The soft coos of a small child were new though. When he finally got around to looking at his surroundings, detective Miller was stood at the foot of the bed, Fred nestled in her arms. 

Ellie stared in shock as Alec sat up, ripping the sensors off his chest, instinctively she put a hand on his shoulder, attempting to get him to lay back down. “Get back in the bed. What are you? Mad?”

“I’m fine Miller,” Alec grunted, standing up, scanning the room for the clothes he’d been wearing earlier.

“If you’re looking for your suit it got erm ... wet. I went to your house and got you a spare change of clothes.”

Alec blushed a deep red, judging by the way she skirted around the subject he could take a pretty good guess at what had happened. “Well then, where are they?”

“Honestly Hardy you really think I’d give you your clothes so you can run out of here without getting proper looked at?” Ellie kicked a shopping bag under the visitors chair, out of his reach.

“How’d you even get in?” He was getting, in his own opinion, rightfully angry. He was missing a dose of suppressants and if he didn’t get out of here soon he definitely wouldn’t be going home today.

“Don’t be ridiculous Sir. You leave the spare right under the mat. Really should move it now though I suppose,” she gave one of her usual goofy grins, pleased with her own joke. Alec was suddenly struck by a great feeling of sadness, remembering what he’d discovered earlier this morning. He had been coming to a close on the case, and the suspects were narrowed down to two people. Either way Ellie would be disappointed, to say the bare minimum.

He moved to get around Ellie, too tired to fight, “Come on Miller, I have work to do.”

As Alec shuffled past she tried to make a comment about him looking awful and sickly. This however got cut off when she got a whiff of the sickly sweet, powdery scent of a baby little. She sniffed the air again, inhaling deeply. Logically she knew she must be mistaking the scent, or smelling a little down the hall. The scent was faint but it would drive her crazy if she stayed here. She coughed, meeting her boss’ confused gaze. “Have you ... has a little been in here by any chance?”

“No...” Hardy trailed off, taking her distraction as a chance to grab the bag and start getting dressed.

Ellie felt the sudden urge to help him get dressed, the faint smell of a little making her instincts kick into overdrive. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind. She couldn’t tell where the smell was coming from, but it was making her want to take care of Hardy more than usual. She came up with some flimsy excuse for leaving quickly, embarrassed at her sudden need to take care of someone.

Ellie buckled Fred into his car seat, kissing his head, paying extra attention to him to satisfy her urge to care. Fred grabbed her cheeks and smiled and for a moment she forgot about everything else. Her mind returned to Hardy on the drive home, head spinning. How bad was she at controlling her instincts that she’d nearly babied her baseline boss over the mere hint of little?

Meanwhile Alec thanked every god in existence that Miller didn’t press any further. He pulled his clothes on and called a cab, adrenaline running high from such a close call.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels like forever since I've updated any of my fics. All the comments have been lovely and I'm glad people are enjoying this.

The sound of a pen tapping on DI Hardy’s desk filled the room. He finally threw the pen down in frustration, closing the file. Going over the Sandbrook case over and over again wasn’t going to help him solve Danny Latimer’s murder any sooner. Deep down he already knew who it was, he hoped for Miller and the Latimer’s sake that he was wrong. Between being in the hospital not once, but twice in the last two days and trying to go behind Miller’s back to rule out Joe and Tom, Alec couldn’t be arsed to remember taking pills. He couldn’t even remember when he was supposed to take his next dose after forgetting nearly four in a row. Everything felt like he was trudging through thick honey, his head was pounding and he could hardly focus on the task at hand. If he couldn’t get it together soon this case would go exactly the same as Sandbrook and it would be his fault. He opened a drawer, dumping out a few pills into his hand and dry swallowing them.

There was the sound of the door closing as Miller entered his office. Ellie gave him a pointed look, crossing her arms, “Are you really sure you should be here today Sir?”

Had Hardy been the type of person to roll his eyes Ellie was sure he would have, “Yes I’m sure I should be at my job Miller. Where’s the file I asked you for?”

Although she handed him the Manila folder and made to leave, she stopped dead in her tracks, something catching her off guard. How could she have missed that same distinctive sweet powdery smell of a baby little when she walked in? The smell practically filled the office and she was nearly certain it was coming from her boss. It couldn’t just be a coincidence that she’d smelled it both here and at the hospital. The only problem was nothing else pointed to Alec being a little and coming to that conclusion based solely off this seemed absurd.

“What’s the problem Miller?”

She turned around, startled out of her thoughts. “If you want to go home and rest I can more than handle the Latimer case for today Sir,” she said quickly, saying what she had wanted when she walked in. She hoped he’d say yes so she could see if her theory was right. 

“Miller, my work is not something you can do right now,” he didn’t want to say it was because he was questioning Joe and Tom today.

“Excuse me?” She blinked in shock at him, “I’m more than capable of holding the station together for a few bloody hours. If anything I think you’re the one who isn’t capable of being at work right now.”

“Miller I am your superior officer,” he gave her a dangerous look, urging her to leave before she said anything else. 

Ellie had forgotten all about the scent by then, slamming the door shut behind her. She’d only tried to help, and Hardy had shut her down, insinuating she wasn’t capable of doing the job he’d stolen from her. Alec very clearly was unwell and it would surely effect the case if he’s collapsing every other day.

After questioning Joe, DI Hardy was nearly 100% certain that this investigation was going to lead straight to him. It was also certain that this was going to drive a deep wound into the town, and an even deeper wound into Miller.

He spent the next few days pouring over all the evidence, going over every single detail again and again, until his vision got blurry and his eyelids grew heavy. Then he would go home and lay in bed and think about the case until it was time to go back to the station and do it all over again. All the signs added up to Joe, all the sightings of Nigel could have easily been mistaken. There had to be definitive proof, he couldn’t let another murderer get away because of police incompetence. He owed it to the Latimer’s, he owed it to the Galespies, and he owed it to this whole town to bring the person who did this to justice.

He threw his his cup to the ground where it shattered, scattering tiny shards of glass across the tiles. “Shit. Shit. Shit,” he swore vocally, slamming his hand into the counter. As much as he hoped it would, throwing a fit of rage wouldn’t make Joe Miller not guilty. Wouldn’t come up with a better suspect, and wouldn’t solve the Sandbrook case. The longer he waited to tell her the worse it would get.

When he met Miller on the beach he already knew. When they got the call that Danny’s cell phone had been turned back on he already knew who had it. That’s why he went himself instead of letting Miller go. He didn’t expect to be literally led straight to Joe, but he wasn’t surprised by the sight of him. The confession made him sick to his stomach, made his skin crawl.

Telling Miller was one of the hardest things he’d had to do. Hardy wasn’t very good at comforting people and this was pretty much on par with telling someone their child has been murdered. Except he cared about Miller. Except he knew the murderer. Except he knew the family of the victim. Except he made the mistake of letting her in to see him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to post this last night but passed out after work. I really liked how this chapter turned out and I'm excited to post the next one.

Ellie couldn’t wrap her mind around what was happening. She’d been sleeping next to a murderer this whole time, and a pedophile for even longer. What kind of awful detective must she be to not have known? How awful of a parent must she be to not have noticed? What kind of awful caregiver chooses someone like that to start a family with?

Going back to the home they’d shared had been the hardest part. At least when she’d been kicking the shit out of Joe she’d felt some kind of minuscule relief. But here in their house, too full of memories, too full of a strange sort of stillness, despite the people bustling about. This is where it happened. Not the murder, not the touching, not who knows what else. This is where Danny came to see Tom and only found Joe. Only found comfort in a person who took advantage of and murdered him. This is where the lies happened, night after night. This is where Joe came to wash himself of the evidence and the guilt. And Ellie has been sleeping right here in this room. While Joe was out there doing the worst thing imaginable. She only wished she had figured it out first so she could have killed him herself.

Telling the family was worse. Nothing compared to having to tell the Galespies that their child’s murderer would be getting away with it because of what Tess did. He didn’t regret covering for Tess, he only regretted that Lee got away. Hardy sat in his hotel room, trying to sort out how exactly he felt. The bittersweet relief of having the murderer in custody was cut with immense guilt, anger, and sadness. He fell into the bed, nearly collapsing from exhaustion.

Wet. Everything was wet. And he was coughing, gasping for air. His face, the bed, his neck where he had coughed and coughed until he was covered in his own spit, all wet. He laid back in his own mess and cried, curled up on his side, wishing desperately to just feel big. Really, truly big, not just the facade he puts on. He laid there until his eyes dried and his legs began to itch. This was the third day in a row he’d wet himself. Three days in a row he’d fallen into a restless sleep and woken up a short time later soaked.

A knock at the door, and he realized what time it was. The sun had long since set and here was was, still laying in bed covered in his own urine. He felt pathetic. No matter how many cases he solved or how good he was at his job he’d always be a little. There was a second knock followed by Miller’s voice on the other side of the door. He panicked, pulling the blankets over the wet spot on the bed, hoping that would be enough to hide his shame. He threw his clothes into the bathroom, sending them to join the growing pile of soiled trousers and pants building up in the corner. He hurriedly pulled on a new pair of trousers, skipping out on pants completely.

Ellie stood outside the hotel room door, waiting for Hardy to open up. She needed desperately to talk to someone about all of this. Someone sane, someone who could handle actually having a discussion rather than just glossing over it and saying how sorry they were. She wasn’t sad, she wasn’t disappointed. She was bloody furious. Furious at Joe, furious at everyone who looked at her with pity in their eyes, and above all furious at herself. And she was ready to talk to someone who really, truly, understood anger.

Hardy was taking a suspicious amount of time to open up. She knocked again, getting impatient, he knew exactly what state she was in and not even giving a shout to explain himself wasn’t helping. “Sir open up already it’s just me.” Alec opened the door and Ellie vaguely noted that he was shaking slightly. She pushed past him flopping down into a chair. She froze, the intense smell of baby little and stale urine hit her nose. The smell was so strong it made her brain go haywire. There was no doubt in her mind. She knew exactly where and who the powdery sweet smell was coming from. She watched anxiously as Hardy sat squarely across from her.

She nearly forgot all about Joe and everything else going on in the haze caused by being so close to a little. She was caught up in thought, wondering how the man sitting in front of her could possibly be a little, let alone a baby. Hardy, who was so rough around the edges, who hardly ever smiled, and who on top of it all, was a father. And apparently, a little. She shook her head, interrupting Hardy, who’d been going on about the case, but she could hardly care less at the moment. Her caregiver instincts were taking over every facet of her brain right then. Despite feeling so out of control of her biological urges, she was thankful to have something else to think about. “Sir are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?”

Hardy gaped, he assumed Ellie’s had begun to catch on but never really expected to have to face up and have this conversation. So he said, “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about Miller.”

“That you’re a little,” she said plainly, as though it were no bigger of a deal than suggesting he enjoyed eating toast.

“Oh don’t be absurd,” he shifted nervously despite his confident tone.

“Then get off the bed.”

“Miller I am your superior officer and accusations like that are not taken lightly,” he practically shouted, but it was too late she was already making her way over.


	5. Chapter 5

“Oh, Sir,” Hardy’s stomach churned at the tone of Ellie’s voice. He shrunk away from her, the only other time he heard somebody so disappointed, disgusted even, it didn’t end well.

Ellie had pulled back the covers to reveal a large wet spot on the bed. Hardy had clearly wet the bed in more than one spot and had yet to change the sheets. “Who else knows?”

“About what?” Alec tried to play dumb, despite essentially being cornered. He’d earned himself an exaggerated eye roll.

“Don’t be daft. About this,” she gestured to the bed, which smelled obviously of urine, “About you being a little. And a young one at that.”

He coughed awkwardly, shuffling his feet about, “No one. And you can’t tell anyone either Miller.”

Ellie tried to do the math in her head, drawing up a blank, “How on earth does nobody else know?”

“Simple. I don’t want them to,” He attempted to play it cool, despite how his heart was seemingly beating faster than should be possible.

Ellie was now well and truly confused. Littles were highly valued, at least in western society, and there were more than enough caregivers to go around. It must be extremely difficult to hide such a thing, not to mention how painful it must be for a little to not get the necessary care and attention to stay healthy. “Not even your ex wife? Your daughter? You have no caregiver? Not even a baby sitter?”

“No. They don’t know. And you absolutely cannot tell them Miller,” it was evident from his voice that he was starting to panic, “And don’t be ridiculous I don’t need a sitter, I’m a grown man.”

Ellie’s heart sank, realizing just exactly what she was hearing meant. She felt a surge of protectiveness rise up in her chest; the idea of a little, especially a baby little, going so long without a caregiver made her blood boil. She couldn’t push down her caregiver instincts any longer and was well and truly shouting now, not out of anger, but sadness and concern. “Don’t need a sitter?! Alec look at you! Look at this mess! How long have you been going on like this? Why on earth are you doing this to yourself? Why would you choose to live like this?”

Alec backed away, shaking his head vigorously. He knew Ellie wouldn’t hurt him, he’s her boss after all, but he still found himself sinking away, lip quivering. “I dunno,” he repeated over and over again.

Ellie was too wrapped up in her emotions and the rush of caregiver hormones brought on by such distressing information to notice her boss cowering away from her. “Really, Hardy this is ridiculous! How many times did you think you could wet this bed before changing the sheets? You’ve got to take better care of yourself!”

Ellie took a step towards him and he was suddenly losing control, hot liquid running down the legs of his trousers and soaking into the fabric. He was actually crying now, fat ugly tears rolling down his face. He felt so small, a simple scolding bringing him all the way back to the source of his trauma. One shouting pulling him all the way back to being a kid, when the abuse started. He couldn’t control the sobbing, retreating away from Miller. He couldn’t remember a time in the last twenty years that he’d felt this incredibly little.

Ellie froze in place, shocked by Alec’s strong reaction. Immense guilt flooded her, what horrible caregiver makes a little cry? She made to comfort him, taking a step forward, “Hardy I’m so sorry.” Her heart broke when he nearly ran away from her to the corner of the room, hiding his face away. That’s when she noticed the large dark patch growing on his trousers. She felt terribly. Hardy was facing the corner, very clearly terrified and hyperventilating. Ellie tried soothe him enough so that she could get him into some clean pants and fresh sheets. “Sir come on please, I’m not cross with you I promise. We need to get you in some new clothes.”

She waited, giving Hardy his space to calm down. He shook and cried, embarrassed at wetting himself in front of Miller, and even more so now that he couldn’t seem to stop crying. Although he was embarrassed and scared, seeing as he was not currently being beaten, his initial terror and gut reaction slowly faded. He was left feeling so incredibly vulnerable and very much so in Little space. Seeing as he was at the very small end of little, about 6 months old (though if you asked him he was about 10 years old), being in little space left him in a state of utter helplessness. Being little was not pleasant for Alec, it was terrifying, traumatic even. The only times he’d been little in his life he’d been hit or screamed at for making a mess; he learned very early on that to be a little was to be a burden.

He finally was able to calm himself down from outright sobbing to a quiet sniffle. Miller placed a hand on his back and although he flinched he allowed her to pick him up and carry him to the bathroom. He was set down in the bathroom, crying and shaking his head when Ellie went to turn on the bath.

“No bath?” She asked.

He shook his head, his thumb instinctively going to his mouth. He felt so incredibly out of control of himself. He’d slipped so deep into little space he couldn’t think straight, let alone control his bladder or stop himself from self soothing. He could hardly remember he was supposed to be mortified by the pile of soiled clothes in the corner.

Ellie was horrified to discover that Alec had apparently been throwing his soiled clothes into a pile in the wash room. He looked to the side, avoiding eye contact when she stripped him of his trousers, adding them to the pile. She sighed out, “Oh, Sir,” seeing the reddened and rashy skin around Hardy’s groin and inner thighs. She went to her bag, getting out some of Fred’s diaper rash cream to spread on Alec’s thighs. Her boss’ lack of resistance scared her. He seemed very, very small, and so out of it.

“Stay here for a moment okay?” His eyes were glassy and she doubted he actually understood, but he nodded. She gathered up the clothes and stripped the sheets from the bed. She didn’t dare leave him in the room by himself in this state, so she settled for tossing them in the laundry bin. She pulled the spare sheets down from the closet, ignoring the soaked-in urine spots for now. They could wait until Hardy wasn’t so distressed. She thanked the heavens that the sheets remained dry despite the moisture underneath.

Ellie was disappointed and heartbroken to discover a rather large supply of little suppressant pills in Hardy’s pajamas drawer. It explained a lot of Hardy’s behavior and health problems. She couldn’t help the tears that fell, overwhelmed by how incredibly sad she felt for Hardy on top of her own troubles. She slipped the pills into her purse, ensuring Alec wouldn’t be able to take anymore of the horrendous things any time soon. Her caregiver hormones were making her experience strong feelings for Alec she’d have to explore in the morning.


	6. Chapter 6

She shushed him, rocking back and forth gently, “Shhhh, shhh. It’s okay. I’m so sorry that I scared you little one.” After pulling a fresh pair of pajama bottoms onto Hardy she’d brought him back into the bedroom. It was easily forgotten that this person sitting in her lap was her boss, now only able to see a sad little in need of care. Alec’s tears had mostly dried up, and his sniffling had died down as well. She avoided thinking about why exactly he’d been so upset by her shouting that he’d dropped straight into little space. She’d rather not know.

“Come on then. We’re going to go to the store. Is that okay with you?” She seriously doubted he actually understood anything that was said to him when he was like this, but nonetheless he nodded. Ellie had realized after looking around the room that Alec had no little items. She couldn’t exactly put him to bed like this; couldn’t in good conscious leave him like this when he so very clearly needed to be cared for. Hardy needed diapers and Ellie was going to do something about it.

She led him by the hand to her car, buckling him in while he gave her a glazed over stare. Miller was careful to drive far enough away that they wouldn’t be recognized. “Do you want to come in or do you want to stay in the car?” She asked, pulling into the parking spot. He didn’t answer. In the 30 minutes it took for them to get to a store that was still open Alec had begun to chew on his own fingers and drool, indicating just how far into little space he’d sunk. Suppressant drugs could do strange things to a person, on top of just being terrible for your health. Suppressants could make littles drop into little space randomly, have tantrums, and act younger or older than their little age, among other things. She was pretty sure Alec was a baby little regularly, but there was no way to be sure if he was coming off suppressants.

She wiped down his face with some spare napkins, helping him up and out of the car. She tugged on his hand, guiding him to the little section of the store. She briefly considered putting him in a trolley with a seat for littles, but knew better. Alec was eerily quiet as they walked through the store, hand in hand. Had he been big this would have never gone over well. The mere fact that this was their current situation went against all previous knowledge of what her boss was like. There was a huge disconnect between what should be happening and what actually was that her brain was having a hard time processing. 

Ellie threw a packet of diapers into the trolley, having to guess at the size and absorbency with nothing to go off of. She swayed back and forth, deliberating on getting a bottle for Hardy. She doubted he would take a bottle, but took the chance threw one in the cart anyways. Miller was thankful that the cashier was some young girl, who looked too tired to give a shit about them, let alone notice how disheveled the little at her side looked.

Ellie decided against changing Alec at the store, crossing her fingers that he could make it back to the hotel without another accident. The longer Hardy went without speaking the more concerned she got. This went way beyond what a baby little should be like; he seemed completely unaware of his surroundings, not reacting to anything beyond what Ellie helped him to do. She considered taking him to the hospital, but then his classification as a little would be on the records if it wasn’t already. Her head was spinning and she could hardly keep her thoughts straight

She pulled a diaper on to Alec, admiring her guesswork. It wasn’t a perfect fit but it would work. She filled the bottle with water, laying Alec down for a drink. He accepted the bottle, sucking down a good liter of water. His lack of objection was surprising. Despite that Ellie was pleased to see him coming around, hand reaching up to twist in and play with her hair as he drank. She smiled down at him as he blinked sleepily. She couldn’t resist petting his hair as he fought off sleep. It was doubtful she’d ever get another chance to.

When Hardy had finally drifted off she tucked him in and slid out of the room and back to her own. She tossed and turned, trying to reconcile the difference between what her boss was usually like, and whatever had just happened. Between that and Joe she had enough to think about for a lifetime.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the long chapters makes up for only weekly/ twice weekly uploads rn. The next chapter is going to be a long one as well.

Alec reached out, fumbling around on the nightstand for his alarm clock, to stop the loud repetitive beeping. He laid back down, pulling the pillow over his head and giving a low groan. For just a moment he forgot where he was; for all he knew he could have been back at his house with Tess and Daisy. But then like always, like every morning, he was crushed by the weight of everything hitting him all at once. He dreaded going into work, knowing just exactly what will come after. And then he came to last night... the memory was foggy, unclear. He remembered Ellie coming here, and sitting and talking and then, and then he couldn’t quite recall.

He sat up finally, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He made a beeline for his dresser, stopped in his tracks by the wet bulge shifting between his legs. He remembered now, Ellie’s disgusted face as she’d pulled back the bedsheets revealing his mess. He blushed deep red trying to remember what happened next. He cried, absolutely freaked out and then.... and then.... nothing. He had no memory of Miller having somehow wrestled a nappy onto him. He scrambled to get out of the wet diaper, throwing it in the bin in the wash room. He got in the shower, trying to scrub himself of the embarrassment of having woken up in a wet nappy. He willed himself to recall the rest of the evening to no avail. How could he face Miller let alone anyone else, knowing that he had finally slipped up.

Hardy stepped out of the shower, drying himself quickly and practically running to the dresser. He searched frantically for his pills, tossing aside clothes and other assorted items. In the spot where they should have been sat nothing. Despite already knowing deep down Miller had taken them he continued his hunt. He couldn’t go to work like this. Not today. He went to the closet, cringing as a waft of air hit his nose, a smell of stale urine coming from his pile of soiled clothes and sheets. He felt red hot shame welling up in his chest as he pulled on his suit and hurried out the door, leaving the pile to sit another day.

Ellie shot up, trying to shush Fred, who’d been woken by banging on the hotel room door. If she had any doubts about who it was they were immediately squashed by Hardy shouting “Miller!” from the other side. She wasn’t exactly sure what she had expected out of her day today, but Hardy banging on her door at 7am was near the bottom of the list. Ellie was surprised upon opening the door by Alec just coming out the gate with, “Where are they?”

“Excuse me?” She stared back incredulously. “You come here at 7am pounding on my door and just start off with ‘where are they’?”

Alec caught a glimpse of Tom staring at them over her shoulder and pulled her out into the hallway, letting the door slam behind them. 

She ripped her arm out of his hand, stepping away from him, “I’m not even sure what you’re on about.”

“Come on Miller. The pills. I know you took them and I need them back,” he lowered his voice, trying not to be overheard for a growing number of reasons.

That plan was blown out of the water by Ellie barking out a laugh, “Absolutely not. You will not being getting those back. You’re lucky I don’t say anything about them, you know they’re illegal,” she normally wouldn’t have been so harsh with a little, but this one just happened to be her particularly obnoxious boss. He seemed to be handling it better than last night though, as he huffed and stalked off. She kicked the door frame in frustration, grumbling under her breath.

The day had been torture for Hardy. More so than it needed to be. And despite being angry with her, he couldn’t help but try to protect Miller from the fallout of this case as much as he could. After all, he knew exactly how it felt to be on the receiving end of that kind of scrutiny. The nagging at the back of his head wouldn’t let him forget last night, and the growing feeling of dread as the time since he had last taken a dose of suppressants stretched on. He bit his nails down to the quick without even realizing, flinching as he tore off a bit of skin on accident. At the end of the day he was just thankful his bladder hadn’t failed him while he was on the clock. He made a mental note to go out and hunt down some suppressants before this got out of hand. Though in his books ‘out of hand’ was an understatement for what had happened last night.

Not too long after Hardy had returned to his hotel room and kicked off his shoes there was a firm knock at the door. He had the feeling it was Miller, but when she muscled her way past him and flopped down into the chair he was shocked by just how tired she looked. “So... are we going to talk about this like adults or not?” She looked up at him, irritation evident in her voice.

Alec gaped, trying to pull together a bullshit explanation, but having none. He just went for the truth, surrendering and sitting down on the bed across from her. “I don’t think there really is anything to talk about. Let’s just put it behind us and forget it ever happened Miller.”

“Well clearly there’s something to talk about!” She calmed herself down, trying to avoid another incident like the last, “You’re clearly not taking care of yourself Hardy. Do you even know what those pills are doing to you?” Alec made a face and something finally clicked in her head, realizing that Hardy’s heart problems were a result of the drugs. “Why?” Is the only question she could come up with, drawing a blank as to what exactly possessed him to take suppressants for so long.

“Miller, some people don’t want this. Some people don’t want to live a life in nappies, drinking out of bottles and wetting themself, never accomplishing anything beyond just being cute.”

“Well I wouldn’t exactly call you cute,” Ellie quipped, unable to resist the urge to poke fun at him. “You can’t know that for sure,” she continued, “Plenty of littles are highly accomplished and respected.”

He may have actually rolled his eyes this time, “Oh yeah? Name one.”

“Well... there’s,” she sat in silence, drawing a blank.

“Exactly, Miller,” Hardy said exaggerating the E.

“That doesn’t mean the life of a little can’t be fulfilling, I mean don’t you at least want to have a caregiver?” Ellie couldn’t imagine not even wanting a little to take care of.

Miller was saddened by the look of pain that crossed his face. “No,” he answered too quickly, but she could tell he wasn’t being truthful.

“How long have you ...” she trailed off gesturing vaguely.

“I started on the pills when I was twelve.”

_“Twelve?”_ She was horrified by the nod he gave to confirm. “Why on Earth...”__

_ _Alec was quick to cut her off, already having talked about this longer than he ever wanted to, “Let’s just say my parents wanted a baseline and leave it at that Miller.”_ _

_ _Ellie shook her head, “They didn’t hurt you did they?” She could tell the answer just from Hardy’s tight lipped look. She grasped at her purse, unable to stop the tears that fell. Somebody physically or verbally abusing a kid just because they were born a little was unimaginable for her. Between everything with Joe and the strange attachment she was growing for her boss she couldn’t stop crying._ _

_ _“Oh.... oh no. Don’t do that,” he patted her back awkwardly, offering her a tissue. Alec was highly uncomfortable being the center of attention as it was, but add in the cause of the attention being pity over the one thing he resented most about himself, he practically wanted to crawl out of his skin._ _

_ _After about 20 minutes of uncontrolled sobbing, Ellie finally managed to get herself together and blow her nose. “Sorry,” she muttered, stuffing the tissues into her pocket._ _

_ _Alec shuffled awkwardly before bringing up the memorial. “Don’t suppose you’d like head on down to the docks? Don’t have to see the Latimers or anything ...” the ‘that would be awkward’ part of the sentence left unsaid._ _

_ _“Oh yeah,” she hestitated, but nodded._ _

_ _

_ _So there they sat side by side on the bench. Ellie was lost in thought as hundreds of torches lit up the town, casting a golden golden glow in Danny’s honor. Before she could sink too deep into self loathing Hardy was saying something. “Hm?” She looked over._ _

_ _“Not going to tell anybody are you Miller?”_ _

_ _“No of course not,” she said plainly, “Not my place.”_ _

_ _“What’ll you do?” He asked._ _

_ _“Move somewhere else; give the kids a fresh start.”_ _

_ _“Your life is here.”_ _

_ _“How can I walk down the highstreet now?” She doubted she’d ever be able to show her face again, “What about you?”_ _

_ _“Oh I’m done,” despite his best efforts his eyes still misted up thinking about retiring from the line of duty. “Medical. It’s all over.”_ _

_ _Ellie made to lecture him about the suppressants._ _

_ _“Don’t.”_ _

_ _“Look at us,” she smiled at him, “Former detectives club.”_ _


	8. Chapter 8

Someone had blackballed him. No dealer in town would sell the pills to him no matter how many times he threatened to arrest them for _not_ selling illicit substances. Somebody had already gotten to every dealer in a 50 mile radius and he knew exactly who.__

_ _“Miller!” Ellie had answered the phone on the first ring, and Hardy didn’t bother to wait for her to say anything before going off. “What the hell did you do that for?”_ _

_ _Miller knew sooner or later he would put two and two together and figure out she had cut him off from every pill supplier in the area. She knew it wasn’t any of her business, but she couldn’t sit back and watch Alec kill himself with the pills. Never mind the strange possessiveness she had begun to feel for him. “Because you clearly can’t think straight right now. You’re sick, and I’m not going to just stand by while you bloody kill yourself.”_ _

_ _“I am your superior officer! It’s not your place, Miller.”_ _

_ _“Exactly! You’re a DI and you’re running around behind everyone’s backs, doing something illegal! How well do you think that’s going to go over for you?” In the silence that followed Ellie tried her best to level her voice, taking a deep sighing breath. “It’s gotta be somebody’s place and it damn well looks like it’s become my place.”_ _

_ _“I don’t need a babysitter. I’m hardly some helpless little,” he said. Hardy gritted his teeth, loathing to say the word._ _

_ _He felt his lip quiver at Ellie’s small chuckle from the other side of the line. He fought against his tears, hating every moment being a little slipped into his every day life. “Sir, it can’t be healthy for a little to live the way you’ve been,” Alec was suddenly hanging up the phone, tossing it across the room and collapsing into a chair. The tears started to fall and the panic set in. Hardy couldn’t make the tears stop and thinking about the prospect of slipping into little space at anytime was only making it worse. He stopped his sniffling and pulled himself together, using every last bit of his brain power to will himself into a big state of mind. He’d only have to get through a few more weeks, wrap up this case and find a new dealer._ _

_ _A week and a half had passed since Hardy wrapped up the case. He thought about leaving Broadchurch but where would he go? Instead he moved in to the first place for rent he could find prefurnished. It took him less than an hour to pack all of his posesesions and hightail it out of the hotel. On his way out he did stare at the nappies and the sippy cup Miller had bought him, something nagging at the back of his head, telling him to just bring them with._ _

_ _He threw them all away. He threw away all the nappies, all the wet clothes, and the bottle. He tossed them into the bin and left them right there in that hotel room where he wouldn’t have to think about it. It took him even less time to unpack all of his things and set up his new house. He sat on the edge of the bed, frowning at the silence, and the impossibly still surroundings. He picked up his phone, dialing a number he knew like the back of his hand. He remembered a time when she would have picked up, but Daisy hadn’t wanted to talk to him for a good while now. He’d have to settle for leaving a message like always. The new normal._ _

_ _He flipped the tv on, trying to fill up the silence. He flipped through the channels, watching a few seconds of one boring show after another, finally freezing on one. Peppa Pig. He used to watch Peppa Pig with Daisy when she was little. He’d always enjoyed Peppa Pig. Against his better judgement he decided to let it play, somehow feeling lonelier than he had before. He felt his thumb working it’s way up towards his mouth and immediately pushed the urge back down. He was only successful for about 5 minutes before he was anxiously sucking thumb in earnest._ _

_ _Alec was woken from his sleep by someone loudly rapping on the door. He patted the front of his pants and was pleased to see he had woken up dry for once. Alec was groggy, and almost painfully little; however, he was determined to maintain the appearance of a baseline._ _

_ _Simultaneously relieved and angry at seeing Miller through the window, he flung the door open and wordlessly gestured for her to come in._ _

_ _She smiled, shaking the water out of her hair, “Well then Sir, settling in okay?”_ _

_ _“What are you doing here Miller? It’s nearly 9,” he said, shutting the door hard behind her._ _

_ _“Dad’s got Fred. I thought I’d come and see how the move is coming, but it looks like you’ve unpacked already.”_ _

_ _“Yeah don’t need any help here Miller, time to go,” Alec went to open the door, but she flopped down on the couch and made herself comfortable instead._ _

_ _“What’s the rush? Need to get back to watching Peppa Pig then?” She nodded her head in the direction of the bedroom where the cartoon was still flickering on the TV._ _

_ _Hardy flushed deep red, ignoring her question and going about making some tea since she clearly wasn’t leaving anytime soon. “Did you find a place to go yet?” He called from the kitchen._ _

_ _“Not yet. I’ve been applying places but nobody wants to hire me after-“ she trailed off, “Well you know.” She rambled on talking more so to herself than Hardy, “It really is a shame. I work years to get this far up the ladder-”_ _

_ _Alec shifted uncomfortably, too focused on listening to Miller and the tea to think about anything else. _ _

_ _“Tom doesn’t want to live with me. He’s going with my sister. Can you believe it? He’d rather live _there_?” Ellie sounded sad despite the anger lingering behind her words. “He doesn’t even want to speak with me.”___ _

_ _ _ _“Children don’t appreciate their parents, Miller. He’ll realize you’re only doing your best eventually,” Alec tried to sound appropriately upset, shifting his weight from foot to foot, unable to discern why exactly he was feeling an uncomfortable pressure until he felt hot liquid running down his leg._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Hardy?” Miller said rounding the corner, coming to check on him, “What’s taking so long? It’s only tea.” In a childish fit of panic Alec dashed behind the counter, trying to hide his accident. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten-“ Miller joked, stopping in her tracks when she saw Hardy, beet red and standing awkwardly to the side. She glanced at the ground seeing a small puddle._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Oh, Hardy,” she sighed, grabbing a fistful of paper towels and laying them over the spot. Alec couldn’t help but start crying at the disappointed sigh. If he believed in a god, now would be the time he’d start cursing them for making him a little._ _ _ _


	9. Chapter 9

“Where did you put your nappies then, Sir?” Ellie asked awkwardly, noticing Hardy’s shaking shoulders.

“Don’t be ridiculous Miller. I got rid of them,” Hardy tried to sound stern, but his voice came out thin and watery.

“Oh come on. What on Earth would you do that for?”

“Don’t need em,” for the life of him he couldn’t stop the tears that were pricking up in his eyes.

Ellie massaged the space between her eyebrows; Hardy was clearly going to make this, like everything, much more difficult than it had to be. “I get that you don’t like them. I get that you didn’t want to be a little. But you obviously do, and I cannot let you go around wetting yourself just because you’re in denial,” Miller tried not to let her voice come across too mean, but she couldn’t stop the edge it came out with. “You know we’re going to have to make another trip to the store.”

“No, Miller,” Alec tried to formulate a full response, but it seemed all he could come up with was, “No.” He felt like he could just explode, his hands and shoulders shaking against his will. He would have never chosen to be a little, it was confusing, and difficult- and if he was being honest he was downright terrified of how out of control he felt. He heard Miller speaking again, but he just lost it, falling to the ground and letting out a guttural groan. He knew he would be embarrassed by this in the morning, hell he already was, but he couldn’t stop himself. He felt like a prisoner in his own, irrational and little, body. He was sobbing in earnest now, heaving cries ripping their way from his throat. He was so overwhelmingly frustrated it was all he could do, to beat his limbs on the ground and scream, desperate for some relief. He could hardly believe he was throwing a tantrum over this. He could hardly believe this was even happening at all.

Ellie was stunned and, she was ashamed to admit it, a bit amused. She hadn’t took Alec for the tantrum type. She waited patiently for him to finish wailing and thrashing about. She was no stranger to fits after two kids and one previous little. She’d just have to wait until he cried himself out. Deep down she felt bad for Hardy. He’d never gotten a chance to be little before and withdrawal from the pills couldn’t be easy on him, especially with his health problems.

Eventually Alec stopped, laying face down on the cold tiles in the kitchen, trying to sort out what was happening and how he felt. Scared. Scared is what he felt. Scared of himself, scared of being little, scared of being hit, and above all else scared of what would happen next. While he had stopped screaming, he couldn’t stop the fat tears that continued to silently escape from him.

Miller crouched down beside him placing a hand on his back, “Are we done now?”

Alec sniffled in response, sitting up. “ ‘m sorry,” he muttered.

She ignored his apologies, instead picking him up and carrying him to the bathroom. “Come on, take off your trousers, let’s get you changed.” Ellie left him alone to undress while she got him a new pair of trousers and pants.

When she returned he was stood in nothing but his shirt, still shaking but only slightly so. “ ‘m sorry Miller. We really don’t have to do this.”

“We really do Sir,” she said going to put the pants on Hardy.

“Hmpf, Miller,” he grunted, averting his gaze from the task at hand, “I can do that myself.”

“Oh come on,” She rolled her eyes so hard you could practically hear it in her response. “There’s no need to be shy. Lift your leg for me would you?” He obeyed, flushing deep red at having to be helped with such an intimate task by a coworker. “It’s not like it’s anything I haven’t seen before,” Miller chuckled and Alec gave her a scowl. When he was dressed Miller took a towel off the shelf and tucked it under her arm, motioning for him to follow her.

“Well what’s that for?”

“You haven’t any nappies and we’re about to go for a 45 minute drive,” Ellie said plainly as though it should have been obvious.

“No, you can’t expect me to sit on that. Miller, I’m an adult I can hold myself for longer than an hour.”

“Oh really? Because that puddle out there on the floor says different, and I’ll be damned if I let you have a wee on the seat of my car.”

Ellie smiled smugly as Hardy conceded and sat on the towel without further argument. Though she couldn’t help but laugh at the way he stared out the window and pouted.

“Let’s listen to some music then shall we?” She turned on the music despite his lack of response and turned onto the road.

Nearly an hour later and they had finally made it to a store far enough away to satisfy Hardy, who’s thumb had worked its way into his mouth sometime during the last 20 minutes. She was surprised when Hardy got out of the car with his thumb still firmly in his mouth. She thought briefly that he might not even realize.

Ellie would be lying if she said her heart didn’t swell when Hardy shyly gripped her hand, giving her an unsure glance. She smiled from ear to ear and patted his hand, reassuring him that this was exactly right and more than okay.

Alec was feeling incredibly little by the time they made it to the store, the long car ride having nearly lulled him to sleep. In this state of mind he couldn’t care less what he looked like, especially this far away from home and so late at night. He couldn’t help but slide his hand into Miller’s and let her lead the way. She pushed the trolley with her other hand, encouraging him to keep up the pace.

Ellie threw enough nappies in the cart to last a few months, now sure of his size. “What about this?” She asked about a set of bottles with sheep on them. He seemed to consider for a moment before nodding. “And it looks like you’ll need one of these,” Ellie said, ripping the packaging off of a pacifier and using it to replace Alec’s thumb. “Oh don’t look at me like that, we’re going to pay for it.” Ellie threw in a teething ring; an assortment of lotions, soaps, and creams; some medications meant specially for littles (she figured she’d at least try to make withdrawal from the pills a little easier for him); and a changing mat for good measure. “These?” Ellie held up a pair of blue pajamas with feet on them.

Hardy scrunched up his nose and shook his head vigorously. “No clothes,” he said, muffled by the pacifier.

“No clothes then. Okay,” Ellie said dragging her boss by the hand towards the register. “Don’t suppose you remembered your wallet?” Ellie joked.

The look Alec gave her was one of fear and embarrassment and she immediately felt bad about the joke. “I’ll pay you back,” he said softly from behind his pacifier.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said putting their bags of stuff back into the trolley and pushing it out to the car. Within minutes of setting off back towards Broadchurch Hardy was dozing off, head resting on the window, pacifier bobbing gently in his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I flip flop between British words like "Trolley" and "Nappy" and American words like "Diaper" and "Cart". I won't stop. I do it IRL too. I understand it's annoying lmao. 
> 
> Also, thank you to everyone reading and commenting and leaving kudos. This fic has been so well received and I'm having such a fun time writing it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one ya'll. I'm having such a great time writing this.

Alec blinked his eyes sleepily, looking up out of the car to see Miller standing in the open door. He unbuckled his seat belt and stepped out, rubbing his eyes. He looked down in horror at the towel, a small dark, wet spot in the center of it. Alec tried desperately to clean up after himself, but Ellie stopped him, pointing at the house.

“Told you so,” she laughed, “Go inside and take those wet pants off. I’ll clean this up.”

Alec ran inside, hiding inside the bathroom, locking the door behind him. Ellie had been right, and he was certain he was going to be punished. He felt so small and confused. He ripped his pants off and shoved them under the sink, slamming the cabinet door closed.

Ellie tried to open the bathroom door, holding the wet towel in her hand. She pulled again, only to find it locked. “You’ve got to be bloody kidding me,” she mumbled to herself. “Sir? Can you let me in?”

Alec was thinking completely irrationally, or perhaps not at all. “No,” he said plainly, some part of his brain hoping she would just leave it at that.

“Either you’re going to let me in or I’m going to sit here until you come out,” Ellie said firmly, using the voice she used on Tom and Fred. “I can do this all day Sir,” she said after several minutes with no answer.

If he didn’t know any better he’d think his heart might beat right out of his chest. He gripped his chest out of fear, sucking on the pacifier so hard it hurt. Finally, he cracked the door open and stepped back, letting Miller come in. If he had been big he might have been embarrassed about his current state of undress, or the fact that Miller had seen him pretty much naked on three occasions now. But being little, he had much bigger concerns.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t hit me, it was an accident,” his voice came out watery and small, the sheer panic he felt seeping into every word.

“I’m ... I’m not going to hit you Alec,” Miller tried not to take offense at the suggestion, knowing exactly what he’s been through. She took his hand in hers, trying her best to calm him.

“Promise?”

Ellie truly took in the person in front of her. His cheeks where beginning to get chunky, his eyes were glassy, and he had the very distinct smell of a baby little. Hardy was scared, all the time it seemed like. Being little shouldn’t be a scary or bad experience and yet here they were. Ellie couldn’t help the feeling of guilt that swelled up in her chest, having had a hand in his current misery. “I’m not going to hit you. Promise,” She let a sad smile spread across her lips. Her sadness went beyond Hardy, but having his trust in his most vulnerable state somehow made everything else fade away.

Alec fell forward into Miller’s arms, giving her a tight hug. In that moment Ellie knew she had to protect him and take care of him at all costs. Every little deserved to feel safe and happy, and it looked like it was her job to make Hardy feel that now. She can’t say she minded really. Hardy’s condition was providing for an excellent distraction from the rest of the shit going on in her life, and she had been thinking about getting a little anyways. This would be great practice. When shit hit the fan she never imagined she’d be holding a half naked, and very much so little Hardy in her arms a few weeks later.

Hardy allowed himself to be picked up, lotioned and diapered. He was thankful when Ellie put him into his usual pajama pants and a T-shirt, instead of insisting he wear the blue tartan set Tess had gotten him several christmases ago. Before he knew it he was tucked up against Miller on the couch, watching Peppa Pig and sucking down the rest of a warm bottle. He was vaguely aware of her nose pressed to his head and her hand gently rubbing his side.

Miller checked her watch; she’d have to be going soon. She really should have left over an hour ago, but she couldn’t resist the temptation to bury her nose into Hardy’s hair and inhale that intoxicating baby scent. Something about having a little snuggled up in her arms made it easy to focus on that rather than the crushing grief that never seemed to leave the forefront of her brain.

Ellie slowly got up, moving Alec out of the way. “I have to be getting back. Dad’ll be upset that I didn’t ring him to tell him I’ll be late.” She gathered her things and slung her purse over her shoulder. “See you tomorrow then?” She asked, letting herself out.

“E-Ellie,” He cried out, shooting straight up to sitting. He stretched out his hand in a silent plea for her to stay. He blushed, realizing he had just called her by her first name.

‘Oh to hell with it,’ she thought. It couldn’t hurt for her to stay at least until he fell asleep. Not that she could even find it in her to say no when he looked at her like that, eyes wide, bottle clutched tight in his hand.


	11. Chapter 11

“Are you mad? You told me you’d be home hours ago,” her dad predictably was not happy with tardiness.

“Dad, I know. I’m sorry. I just had somewhere to be,” she whispered, trying not to wake Fred.

“And whatever you were doing prevented you from giving us a call?” Her dad asked incredulously. Ellie was lucky. Her dad let her off easy after everything she’s been through. “Just get some sleep okay?” He pulled her in close for a hug.

“Thanks Dad,” she said, her face pressed into his shoulder.

“Have you been with a little?” Her dad asked, smelling that specific scent on her.

“What? No!” Ellie had the bad habit of answering too quickly when she was lying. Her dad gave her a look and shook his head.

Alec woke to a wet diaper and an empty house. The last he remembered he had been laying in Miller’s lap on the couch. He figured at some point she had carried him to bed and tucked him in. Even through how sickenly cared for and safe he felt, he was still flooded with embarrassment. He took the diaper off and threw it in the bin, resisting the urge to do the same with all of the other ones.

Hardy recoiled in shock from his own reflection. He stood in front of the mirror, pushing and pulling at his face. He hardly could recognize himself. His cheeks were puffy and full, and the bags under his eyes were fading away. He frowned, smelling his own powdery baby-like scent. He made a mental note to put on aftershave when he got out of the shower.

It was half past seven by the time Ellie got to his house. “Miller, you don’t have to keep coming here.”

“Oh I know. I just like to bother you,” she smiled, hanging up her raincoat. “You smell... fresh,” she remarked, clearly referring to the fact he had tried and failed to cover up his natural smell.

Outside a flash of lightning was followed by a clap of thunder, making Alec thankful he wasn’t little right now. “Tea?”

“Sure, as long as you don’t microwave it,” she said settling down on the couch. He was immediately reminded of last night, blushing at the memory of being snuggled up with Miller on the couch. “I got the job I interviewed for a few weeks ago. It’s technically a demotion, but it’s not in Broadchurch. I’ll get an apartment, see if Tom wants to come along as well,” she called from the living room.

“Good for you, Miller. Tom will come around, they always do. In fact, I got a call from Daisy today!”

‘Ah, so that’s why he’s in such a good mood,’ Miller thought to herself. “Mm thank you,” She said, taking the cup of tea Hardy held out.

He tried to give her the money he owed her for the stuff she bought, and then some, but she swatted his hand away. “I don’t want your money. I told you not to worry about it.”

“Miller, just bloody take it.”

“Sir, I already told you to put that away.”

Alec conceded, already formulating a plan to pay her back, and started to drink his tea, but was interrupted by Ellie asking if he had a nappy on. “No of course not,” he sputtered, “ ‘m big right now Miller, don’t do that.”

“Do what?” She blinked innocently.

“You know what.”

“Ok well, big or not you still need to be wearing one Sir. I don’t fancy cleaning your wee off the floor.”

“Miller don’t be ridiculous. I’m your superior officer you can’t force me to wear a bloody diaper,” Hardy half-shouted. And yet 20 minutes later he stood in the bathroom, nappy taped securely around his waist.

“Sir, did you plan on coming out any time soon?” She waiting for an answer before adding, “I’m not going to make fun of you, for the last time.”

“For the last time Miller I’m not going out there wearing the diaper. This is just stupid.”

“And for the last time I’m not letting you come out here without it. We can do this all day if you like.”

Hardy shifted from foot to foot, deliberating. He took one last look in the mirror seeing the embarrassingly obvious bulge at the back of his trousers. He was absolutely mortified at this whole situation, he figured he might as well just rip the bandaid off. “Fine.” He flung open the door, stomping over to the couch and flopping down to hide the diaper.

“Oh, grumpy baby are we?” Miller teased, returning to her spot on the sofa. Alec didn’t acknowledge her, instead crossing his arms and sipping his tea. She flipped on the telly, only to have it turned right back off by Hardy.

“I need to get back on the suppressants,” Alec blurted out, turning to face Miller. “I start my new job soon and I can’t be wearing bloody diapers to work or dropping into damned little space. I have work to do.”

“You know I can’t let you do that.”

“Can’t _let_ me do that? Miller I don’t know who exactly you think you’re talking to. I’m your boss.”__

_ _“Not anymore,” Ellie replied, “You’re a little, and you’re clearly going through withdrawal-“ she’d had more to say, but was cut off before being able to diffuse the situation._ _

_ _“Little or not it’s none of your business what I do with myself. You crossed the line, Miller,” rage seeped into his voice._ _

_ _“Well pardon me for giving a shit!” They were well and truly having a shouting match now. “I’ll just stop then! And I’ll take the money for your nappies while I’m at it,” mentioning the nappies was a low blow, but she was furious and the base level anger that boiled in her constantly bubbled to the surface._ _

_ _“Here! Take it!” He yelled, tossing two 50 pound notes at her. She took them and slammed the door behind her, stumbling out into the thunder storm._ _

_ _Hardy was left alone and in a very wet nappy._ _


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter: there's a pretty intense description of child abuse / neglect in this chapter, feel free to skip it and head to the next chapter.

Alec Hardy was sat on the floor of his childhood bedroom, blank walls and silence crushing him from all sides. The door was locked. And it would remain that way. He never knew just exactly how long the door would be locked, or if it would ever open again. Occasionally his father would poke his head in, maybe bring him something to eat. His mother’s face seldom made an appearance in the crack of the door. If it did, it was usually followed by a remark. Sometimes it was ‘I wish we’d had a baseline, you make this really difficult on us.’ Occasionally ‘You know we can’t let you out until you’re done. Can’t have anybody seeing you when you’re- like this.’ Often it was ‘Why can’t you just get it together and be normal? We never asked for a baby little.’ Mostly her appearances at his door consisted only of a long glance. She wouldn’t say anything, just stand there and give him a look of contempt and disgust as he weeped and cried out, begging to be let out of the room.

Eventually he stopped begging. The more he begged, the worse it got. Were he to cry or wet himself, or really do anything besides sit in silence, the punishment would be extended. Sometimes he would be locked in the room for days on end, sitting in his own urine and starving. His peers and teachers were under the assumption he was a very sickly child, and couldn’t make it to school often. Thus he was sent home with weeks worth of work, and his peers were none the wiser. One day as he was lying on the ground she made one of her appearances. He’d wet himself again mere moments ago, and he’d received a sharp slap across the face.

And then came the pills. When Alec was around twelve his father came into the room and sat down on the bed, making it dip in beside him. His father had opened his hand and placed two small pills in it. “These will help you. They’ll help you be big. And maybe then you can come out more often.”

And they did. But that had been 25 years ago and now he had to figure out how to do this without them.

Hardy sat on his sofa, waiting. Ever since Sandbrook he couldn’t stand water. Pools, bathtubs, showers, anything that involved water was his nightmare now. When he was big he could get over it to take a shower. But worst of all were storms. He was pulled deeper into little space with each clap of thunder that shook the house. It had been the first time he was fully little and aware of it in over 20 years. He was still trying to figure it all out. His living room might as well have been that small white bedroom, he felt so alone. He went to the closet, pulling down Lamb, a small sheep stuffed animal Daisy had given him years ago. He would often bring it out when he missed her, but right now he brought Lamb out because he couldn’t think of anything else to do. Ellie wasn’t coming back, and he couldn’t remember exactly how to do, well, anything at the moment.

After several hours of waiting, sitting in his wet diaper and chewing anxiously on one of Lamb’s feet, he came to the realization that Miller wasn’t coming back. Ellie wasn’t going to come back through the door, and be his caregiver. She never was going to. Not that Hardy had thought about it extensively.

But she did come back. In the early hours of the morning, when the sun should have just been rising, but was blocked out by ominous grey clouds and a heavy sheet of rain. Ellie let herself in, a deep sense of unease telling her something was wrong. Hardy was curled up on his side, red tear stained cheeks and a soaked nappy clinging to him uncomfortably. His eyes had the same glassy, glazed over look from that first night. A deep sense of shame and guilt clenched at her guts. She thought everything would be okay. He was big when she left, but she should have known better. Hardy wasn’t her little. He was never going to be. Not that Ellie hadn’t thought about it extensively. But she felt more than just the usual caregiver obligation for him, and leaving him like this was downright horrid of her.

Ellie felt sick to her stomach. Her anger and her grief just took over every part of her brain. How could she ever have a little again if she couldn’t get ahold of herself. Who knows how long Hardy had sat like this. And that was her fault.

And yet, when she tapped his shoulder he still looked genuinely happy and relieved to see her. And that brought a deep nagging sadness to the rest of the emotions balled up in her chest, waiting to burst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this story I highly recommend checking out Star_Less' Broadchurch little verse fic. It's really excellent and I think ya'll would like it.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/21275525/chapters/50658071


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions of throwing up this chapter

Miller had come back, and he was grateful that she did. He must have fallen asleep at some point. Alec had fully expected to open his eyes and find an empty living room, but there she was. Even after everything that happened. He looked up, excited, despite feeling off. 

He sat up bolt right, feeling the room spin and his stomach turn. He had thought the worst of the withdrawal symptoms had passed, yet here he was throwing up in his lap and on the sofa.

Ellie sprang into action, jumping off the sofa the instant Hardy started retching. As he was finished vomiting, he looked up at her with watery eyes. She hadn’t planned on spending her day taking care of a sick little, but she figured since it was partially her fault for taking away his pills that it was her responsibility. Besides, Hardy very clearly needed a caregiver right now, and she was the best, and only, option.

Luckily Lamb had avoided the majority of the puke, even though Alec was completely covered. He looked awkwardly down at himself, realizing how he must look right now, covered in his own sick, sitting in a soggy diaper. He of course couldn’t stop the tears that flowed freely down his face as well, making tiny trails down to his neck. He braced himself, waiting for a scolding or a slap to the cheek, but one never came.

Instead Miller rubbed his back and brushed off his meek apologies. “No need to apologize we all get sick. This one’s partly my fault anyways,” Ellie thought quickly for something to distract him enough to be cleaned up. “Who’s this?” She said, shaking the lamb plushie’s leg.

“Lamb.”

“That’s his name?”

Alec responded by nodding, holding the stuffed animal awkwardly to the side. Ellie kept her hand on his back, which Hardy found was oddly soothing. “Well, why don’t I clean that bit off lamb while you go to the bathroom and take those messy clothes off?” She said, holding her hand out expectantly. He hesitated, looking back and forth between the outstretched hand and what felt like the most sacred thing in the world. “I’ll give him right back. Promise.” Ellie had made good on all her promises thus far, so how could he argue with that?

He received a warm smile as he handed the stuffed animal over. He rose slowly from the sofa, trying to make as little mess as possible. He made his way to the bathroom, looking over his shoulder periodically to ensure his beloved stuffie’s safety. He was given a thumbs up by Miller the first few times, until she finally just made a ‘shoo’ motion towards the bathroom.

He stripped down to his diaper, swaying anxiously back and forth. Much to his relief Miller cracked open the door and slipped in with Lamb clutched in her hand, perfectly safe, save for the small damp spot on its forehead. He grabbed it and latched on tightly.

Ellie continued to talk to Hardy as she divested him of his soaking diaper. “Where did you get Lamb?”

“Daisy.”

“Your daughter right?” She said going over to the bathtub; Hardy’s clothes were a lost cause so they’d been tossed in the bin.

“No. No bath,” Alec backed away, rubbing Lamb’s foot against his cheek to soothe himself. “Lamb doesn’t like them,” that of course was a lie that sounded perfectly reasonable to a little.

“Well you should tell Lamb he doesn’t have to take one; he already took his,” she said pointing out the wet spot. “I know you don’t like baths Alec, but I promise I’ll make it quick. Lamb can sit right here,” she patted a shelf of towels next to the tub.

“Mmmhp, okay,” Hardy chewed his nails, trying to rid himself of the nerves as he stepped into the bath.

“Come on then,” Miller said, urging him to sit down.

He did so slowly, silent tears starting back up as he lowered himself into the water. “Oh excellent! What a good boy you are,” Miller exclaimed, ignoring the frown he gave her in return. “Now tell me about this ‘Lamb’ character.”

Lamb proved to be an excellent distraction. She was allowed to scrub him down with a soapy washcloth as he listed off random ‘facts’ about the comfort item. She couldn’t help but smile at the way he had obviously thought extensively about the history of his companion.

The bath seemed to be going as well as could be expected, until she went to wash his hair. She took the shower hose off the wall, going to wet his hair. Alec’s knee-jerk reaction had been to slide clear across the tub, splashing water over the side, followed by a harsh shake of his head.

“Sir, come on. You’ve got sick all in your hair. I’ll even give you a washcloth to put over your eyes if it makes you feel better,” she wasn’t sure exactly why he seemed to have such a negative reaction to water, but this was a necessary evil.

Eventually she was able to coax him into letting her wash his hair. In total it took, a wash cloth over the eyes; many, many promises that it would be okay; distractions; and holding one of his hands, to get him there. But in the end Hardy left the bathtub squeaky clean, and only a bit traumatized, despite all the crying.

Ellie towel-dried Alec’s hair, kissing the top of his head and telling him how great he’d been. His baby smell was less noticeable now, but she couldn’t lie, she was looking forward to its return. He wore a scowl the whole time he was being dried, but Ellie had nearly gotten him to break and burst out in giggles on more than one occasion. He still stubbornly acted grumpy as Ellie lotioned him and went to put him in a fresh nappy.

Only now was Ellie paying full attention while changing Hardy. She noticed two off color spots resting among the slightly reddened skin on his thighs. “What’s this?” She asked, lightly poking one.

“Scars,” he answered plainly, popping his thumb into his mouth.

“From diaper rash?” She said more than asked. He nodded as though that was normal- even expected. She just stared at him incredulously. She knew he’d been neglected, but was blissfully unaware of just how badly until now. She quickly wiped the shocked look off her face, finding no need to upset Hardy further.

Once he was dressed and in fresh clothes Hardy was given a bottle of water and told to wait while Ellie finished cleaning the couch. She was grateful that most of the throw up had landed on Hardy’s clothes and missed the sofa. The living room was clean in record time and soon enough a grumpy little was curled up on the sofa, sucking down a second bottle of water.

“Miller,” He piped up from the corner of the sofa, “Thank you.”

Ellie just grinned down at him, happy to feel wanted and useful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter seemed to end in a weird spot it was over 3,000 words so I split it up into 3 chapters lol


	14. Chapter 14

Hardy was miserable. His stomach churned and his head felt like it was moments away from splitting open, even with the paracetamol Miller had given him. And it was only noon. Ellie had ignored his protests, insisting on staying until he felt better.

As the day dragged on and it didn’t seem like he would be getting better anytime soon she phoned her dad and asked if he could watch Fred for the night. This, of course, happened out of earshot of Hardy. “Ah. Spending time with that mystery little of yours?” Her dad said. He sounded amused.

“Can you watch him or not?” She asked, getting flustered.

“Yeah, sure. But be back early tomorrow, okay? I’ve got an appointment ‘round 10 o’clock.”

“Okay. Yupp, thank you very much, Dad,” Ellie said quickly, hanging up before he could get in another word about ‘her little’.

Thankfully it seemed like at least the vomiting was over. Miller still insisted on keeping a bin close by- just in case. Alec slept on and off, waking only to drink more water and watch TV. The further in the day it got the deeper into little space he seemed to get. She honestly was surprised by the lack of protest on his end, taking the opportunity to position him so he was laid across her lap.

Hardy woke up in the late afternoon to the pleasant caress of Ellie’s hand up and down his back. He sighed and sniffled, snuggling in closer to her side. “Well good afternoon little one. Finally coming around are we?” A warm voice said above him. He attempted to ignore it and go back to sleep, sucking deeply on his pacifier. She spoke a bit louder this time, keeping him from his slumber, “How are you feeling, Sir?”

“Don’t have to call me tha’ anymore,” he snuffled, taking the soother out of his mouth. “Tummy hurts. Headache,” he whimpered, keeping his head turned into her side.

“Mmm, well how about I make us supper and we’ll see if you can keep some food down?”

He nodded, sitting up to let her off the couch. “ ‘til then, chew on this. Might help,” she handed him the teething ring they bought. He looked up at her, hesitating to take it. He waited until she was in the kitchen to try it, too self conscious in front of Ellie.

Hardy bit down on the teething ring. It was strange at first, a little bit awkward. He found he quite liked the firmness in between his teeth, much more resistance than his pacifier. Soon he got into a good rhythm, squishing the ring between his teeth, drool dribbling down his chin.

Miller peeked around the corner, pleased to see Hardy steadily chewing away. She smiled to herself as she opened the fridge. She wasn’t surprised to see the shelves were mostly bare, save for a jar of jam, milk, and butter. The cupboards were no better; two loaves of bread, a couple boxes of spaghetti, tomato sauce, and peanut butter. ‘Okay. Spaghetti it is,’ she thought, making a mental note to get Alec some groceries when she had the chance.

Ellie had tried her best with dinner, seeing as the only ‘spices’ Hardy had were salt and pepper. “Sorry it’s not much. I promise I’m a much better cook when I have more to work with,” she said, setting a plate in front of him.

Alec thought that this was just fine. He’d normally order take out, but he couldn’t stand the thought of eating much of anything at the moment. “Miller. I’ll be fine if you want to go home and be with your family instead. You’ve done more than enough,” he had to pat himself on the back for sounding so put together despite how horrid he felt.

“Oh it’s, fine. Dad’s got Fred, and we’d just order takeaway anyways,” she wished he hadn’t said anything. It was easier to forget when she was here with Hardy. When she had something to do. Something about being around a little was all encompassing, safe, warm. She didn’t want the bubble to burst. “Besides, I’ll give them a call after supper.”

Hardy doubted it was _really_ okay. He didn’t want her to stay out of obligation, but he knew she wouldn’t listen to reason on the matter. Miller would be here until she felt he could properly take care of himself. He’d just have to show her he was fine, which would have been easy if his hands would just cooperate with him. He couldn’t seem to make his hands work right, the noodles just fell right off his fork, that is if he could even get them on there in the first place. __

_ _He went red in frustration, finally getting some food to stay on his fork, only for it to fall off on the way to his mouth, making a wet ‘splat’ sound as it hit the table._ _

_ _Miller set down her own fork, scooting over to sit closer to him, “Need some help?”_ _

_ _“No,” it came out quieter than intended, straining against a sob. “No,” he said again, desperately wishing he wouldn’t cry. He briefly wondered when he had become such a cry baby, and why he just couldn’t seem to stop._ _

_ _“Oh, come on,” Ellie pulled him in for a hug wiping away his tears with a napkin. “It’s okay. There’s no need to do that,” she said, trying her best to comfort him._ _

_ _That apparently had been the wrong thing to say; because now Hardy was crying in earnest, trying his best to peel himself away from her side. “I know I don’t have to! I can’t stop!” He shouted, throwing his fork across the room._ _

_ _“Alec!” she shouted right back. He crossed his arms over his chest, pouting down at the table as Miller went to pick up fork. She set it back down in front of him, purposely in his line of sight, “What was that about?”_ _

_ _He merely huffed and turned his head so he didn’t have to look at the fork anymore. Frustratingly the tears still streamed down his face with no end in sight._ _

_ _“We don’t throw things Hardy,”she said. There was a surprising softness to her voice. “And we don’t throw tantrums just because we’re frustrated,” she added._ _

_ _“Not a tantrum,” he grumbled. “ ‘m sorry,” he admitted, his head still turned to the side._ _

_ _“What was that?” She had fully heard what he said and was just having fun at this point._ _

_ _“I said,” he finally looked up at her before speaking again, _“ ‘m sorry.”____ _

_ _ _ _“I forgive you,” she said, taking a seat. “Ok then. Are you gonna let me help you now?”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He nodded, letting Ellie wipe up the spaghetti from his face and the table. She picked up her own unused fork, twirled some noodles onto it, and held it up to his mouth. He made eye contact as he gingerly opened his mouth and took the food. She smiled at him, making some part deep inside him feel full and warm. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _There was something strangely intimate about being fed by another person. The eye contact, the proximity, the trust that they would take care of you. It was strange and foreign for Hardy, but he wanted more of it. He didn’t want it to end, as weird as it felt. He had been so wrapped up in being fed, he forgot about Ellie. He suddenly felt terribly guilty that she hadn’t eaten yet. “Your food’s gonna get cold,” he said in between accepting bites._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“That’s okay,” she said without missing a beat, “You’ve only got a bit left.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Alec hadn’t realized that while he was eating he had gotten sauce all over his mouth until Miller got out a wet wipe. She held his chin still and rubbed it across the bottom half of his face. The wipe came back red and orange, showing him just how messy he had gotten, despite his best efforts. He blushed, unsure why he couldn’t seem to make his muscles work the way they should, but before he could think too much about it Miller was scooting back to her own plate._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He sat in silence as she finished her food, reflecting on that strange feeling he had earlier. He could slowly feel their relationship morphing into something more than friends, and that scared him to the bone. The uncertainty of it all. What exactly _was_ the next step? He could feel it building, like water behind a dam ready to break. And he was afraid of what would happen when it finally broke.___ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "She smiled at him, making some part deep inside him feel full and warm." -I so badly wanted to put “or perhaps it was his diaper that felt that way"


	15. Chapter 15

After dinner Miller stole away to call home. Fred was doing well, her dad had put the phone up to his ear for him to babble into. She called Tom’s mobile, praying he would pick up. When he didn’t she called her sister, a nagging sense of fear telling her something was wrong.

Her sister picked up on the first ring, “Hello?”

“It’s me. Tom there?”

“Yeah he is. Everything all right?”

“He’s not answering his phone.”

“Ah. Well let me just get him,” she sounded skeptical for some reason. The line went silent for a few moments before she got back on the line, “Ellie?”

“Yeah?” She was expecting Tom.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you. I’m sorry.”

“Oh. Alright,” she said disheartened, stuffing the phone back into her pocket. There was a slight delay between hanging up the phone and her sinking to the ground. She quieted the sobs that racked her body, trying not to let Hardy hear.

It would seem she failed, because Hardy came toddling into the kitchen, diaper obviously wet and sagging between his legs. He sat down beside her, pacifier bobbing in his mouth. “Hi,” she said simply.

Hardy felt so small, helpless. Miller had helped him so much and now when she very clearly needed him he couldn’t make his brain work right. He racked his head for anything he could do or say, but ultimately something just ended up tumbling out of his mouth. “Ellie sad,” was all that came out. He silently cursed himself. Worse yet, the next thing that came out of his mouth just happened to be, “Ellie cry.... don’t cry. ‘S wrong?”

Miller let out a watery laugh at the short garbled sentences that Hardy mumbled around his pacifier. “Tom didn’t want to talk,” she kept her answer short and sweet. Hardy seemed to think for a moment before scooting up to her and taking her face in his hands, using his shaky thumbs to wipe away the tears.

“ ‘S okay,” he said, trying his best to imitate exactly what Ellie did when he cried, which was more often than he’d like to admit. He looked down, trying to remember what he would say if he were big, but nothing came to mind. He settled instead for roughly petting her head.

Miller pulled him down for a hug and laughed. She knew he’d say ‘Tom will come around’ if he were feeling big, but his way of making her feel better when he was little was much cuter, and much more effective. “Alright. Let’s get you changed.” Ellie stood up, taking Alec with her.

She rolled out the changing mat on the carpet in the living room, laying Alec down on it. He looked back and forth anxiously, new to the experience of being changed. He avoided eye contact, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

Ellie took off his diaper, laying it over his genitals as she lifted him by the legs and slid a fresh one under him. She was digging through her bag for diaper rash cream when she heard Hardy make a choked off sound. When she turned around he was up on his elbows, looking at her with wide eyes. “What’s the matter?” She asked, continuing to look for the cream.

Hardy had been laying on his back, waiting for Miller to finish changing him, transfixed by the loose threads of his T-shirt. He felt fidgety for some reason, squirming around on the mat. He felt a pang in his lower abdomen as he could feel himself getting warm and wet. He laid stock still, unable to stop himself from peeing, wee leaking onto his stomach and the mat below him. He looked at Miller, unsure of what to do now. He didn’t know how to say what was wrong, he could only sit there helpless.

“What’s the matter little one?” Ellie asked again, kneeling near Alec’s feet. He whimpered and looked down where the dirty diaper covered him. “Oh did you wet again?” She said, taping up the dirty diaper and tossing it into the bin, “That’s why I put that there you know. So you don’t wee all over the place. Tom used to wee all the way to the ceiling if you’d let him; hate to see what you could do.” She dried off the mat with paper towel before using a wet wipe to wipe the area clean.

Hardy still didn’t say anything, still staring at her like a deer in headlights. Once he was all clean she smeared a thick layer of rash cream on his thighs. She noted it seemed like he had a rash every time she had ever changed him. Once she had him securely taped into a nappy, she picked him up, peppering the side of his face with kisses.

She briefly wondered if she’d gone too far, not thinking anything of the kisses in the moment. She was worried he was upset, until Hardy muttered out, “Not angry?” In what was possibly the smallest voice she’d ever heard.

“No of course I’m not angry. You can’t help it now can you? That’d be like getting mad at a baby for weeing themselves.”

Although Hardy didn’t like the comparison to a baby, he was relieved. He felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest he didn’t even know he’d been carrying around. Even though rationally he knew Miller would never hurt him, he was still relieved to here she genuinely was not cross with him. He felt the tears coming in hot again and pressed his face into her shoulder to hide them.

Ellie felt him crying against her sweater, but something told her these weren’t sad tears. She couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face as she settled down in the couch, rubbing gentle circles into Alec’s back as he sniffled. “What do you want to watch then?” She said, continuing to soothe Hardy.

Alec didn’t really want to watch tv. What he really wanted to do was lay down and go to sleep. He wanted Miller to keep talking, so the subtle vibration of her chest would lull him to sleep. “Mmm,” he said, pretending to think, “Think.... think I wanna just go to bed.”

“Okay. Bed it is then.”

Hardy was carried into the bedroom and set down in front of the dresser. Ellie tried to put him in the usual pajama bottoms, but he stopped her, pointing to a tartan flannel set tucked way in the corner. “You wanna wear that?” She asked, pointing to the same pair. He nodded bashfully, and she complied with his request.

She couldn’t deny that she was delighted by his choice. Hardy looked positively adorable in his flannels, lamb tucked up under his arm, and his pacifier in his mouth. Alec got into the bed and looked up expectantly. She took the invitation, crawling under the covers beside him. It was still early, but just laying down made her eyelids feel like they were weighed down.

Alec lay awkwardly next to her, waiting for her to make the first move. She had propped herself up on her elbow, looking down at him. He felt like he should say something. He didn’t know what he would have said if he could think straight, but what came out of his mouth was, “Are you gonna leave?”

“No. I’m right here Alec,” she said, confused. She brushed a hair behind his ear and he caught her hand and held it to his face.

“No, I mean after I go to bed.”

“Oh,” Ellie sighed. She pulled him into her side, kissing the top of his head. “No, I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered. She added with a small smile, “Can’t get rid of me that easy.”

“Ellie?” He said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Can you keep talking? I like it when you talk.”

“Of course. What do you want me to talk about?”

“I don’t care, anything you like,” he said, relaxing into her arms.

“Ok,” Ellie talked about nothing really. She talked about her day, how frustrated she was at Tom, how angry she was. Hardy hummed appreciatively every few seconds, letting her know he was listening.

Soon Alec’s humming response stopped entirely, and the room was filled with the soft “thck-thck” sound of his pacifier. Strangely she found the sounds soothing her to sleep as well.

Hardy blinked his eyes sleepily. Miller was still there. He glanced at the clock, bright red blinking numbers read 3:14 am. His diaper was wet and squishy, but he didn’t really mind. Being wet wasn’t so bad when it wasn’t all over the bed and your clothes.

It was easy to fall back asleep pressed up against Ellie. He could drift off know he wasn’t going to wake up alone and have to struggle to take care of himself. At least for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the end of this seems weirdly definitive lol. This isn't the end of the story I promise.


	16. Chapter 16

When he woke up in the morning Miller was still there. She was sat at the window, looking out at the water. The whole scene felt very hazy and dream like. He blinked against the light; the sun had just come up over the horizon, casting a faint yellow glow over the room. He pulled the covers back up to his chin, planning on going straight back to sleep. The motion made Ellie turn around, she smiled getting up from the chair. She tsked, pulling the covers back off him, “No, you’re not going back to bed until you get a diaper change.”

Having his diaper changed wasn’t so bad. Nothing bad had happened so far and this time as he was taped up and clean Miller bent down and blew a raspberry on his stomach, making him writhe in laughter. “Do you want breakfast or do you want to go back to bed?” She asked, pulling his flannels back up over his nappy.

He thought about it for a moment before answering. “Bed,” he paused looking up at her, “You too though, Miller.” It briefly crossed his mind how ironic it was to call her by her last name right now. Ellie laid back down on the bed next to him. He looked at her, contemplating (Well, as much as he could when he was little), how complicated their relationship had gotten in just a few weeks. This strange balance between what they were before all this and what they are now, when they’re like this, snuggled up in bed like there’s nowhere else they have to be. He wasn’t sure if it was actually two different relationships or if he was just telling himself that in his mind to make the situation more palatable. Probably the latter.

She was still there when he woke again, calmly flipping through a book. Miller gently brushed his cheek, seeming to know when he was awake without ever even looking. He leaned into the touch, so beyond embarrassment or care. Something about this just felt so right and so natural he was powerless to fight it. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to anymore. “Breakfast?” She asked, still not taking her eyes away from the book. And for once Hardy thought that breakfast did sound nice. Especially if he didn’t have to eat it alone.

“Yeah,” he said, pulling lamb up to his chest from where it had made its way down the bed while he was sleeping.

Miller put her bookmark back into place and set the book down. She reached out a hand and patted Hardy’s bum, feeling a wet squish under her hand. Because she’d made Alec drink so much water the night before he was wet pretty much every other hour. Not that she’d complain, strangely enough she rather liked changing a little’s diaper. There was something so caring and intimate about it. And something about how Hardy trusted her enough to let her do it made her happy.

She tickled his belly, making him laugh before putting him back in his pajamas. Something about a little’s laugh, the way it came from deep in their gut without an once of self consciousness, was like music to her ears. Being around a little was almost like a drug for a caregiver and Ellie was certainly flying high on it today.

Hardy seemed to be so engrossed in his little space he forgot to be difficult. Things just seemed to fall into place, finding a natural rhythm that morning. Ellie made them breakfast, toast with jam, because that seemed to be all Hardy ever ate. He let himself be fed happily and then sleepily took a bottle of warm tea, even letting Ellie hold the bottle for him. She smiled down at him and kissed his hands as he reached up to play with her hair.

She checked her watch, she only had 2 more hours until she had to get going. It was still early in the morning; she and Hardy both were used to getting up at 5 to go to work and evidently it was a hard habit to break. She waited until she heard the faint hiss of Alec wetting again to change him into his day clothes. No use changing him if she’d just have to do it again in a few minutes.

Once Hardy was in his slacks and shirt, a new nappy on underneath of course. She took Hardy to the bathroom. He gave her a confused look as she explained he needed to brush his teeth before she left.

“Oh,” he said, feeling anxious at the realization Miller would be leaving soon. He got out his toothbrush, squeezing way too much toothpaste onto it and struggling to get the cap back on. 

Ellie closed the toothpaste and gently took the toothbrush from him, gingerly brushing his teeth for him. She found she didn’t want to change him again so soon if he got toothpaste all over his clothes. 

When she was finished she asked Alec if there was anything he wanted her to do before she left. He merely shook his head and said, “You’ll be back though?”

“Yes if course I’ll be back,” she chuckled, rubbing her thumb over his cheek. 

“Tomorrow?”

“No not tomorrow, but the next day I promise,” She said, “You have my phone number and you can call me if you need anything. Will you be okay until then?”

Hardy nodded. And he would be okay. Because he believed she’d come back. In fact he had no doubts. “Alright, Miller. See you soon then,” He said, trying to switch back into mindset of an adult. 

“Yeah. Sure, Sir,” She said, shaking her head at his sudden formality. 

Alec felt the weird, dream like quality fade as Miller closed the door behind her. He sat, thinking for a long while after she left. The morning had already felt much longer than it should have, and he’d gotten used to her presence. It felt weird to be in his house alone again. Eerie almost. 

Ellie drove home in silence. It felt weird to be without Hardy again. They’d only been doing- this for a couple of weeks, but she felt strange when she left, having to go back to her ‘real life’ and all the problems that went with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this fluff makes up for how I'm about to hurt ya'll next chapter.


	17. Chapter 17

Miller came back exactly when she said she would. And nearly every day that month. Most of the time they fell into an easy rythm. Ellie showed up, they talked for a bit about whatever was on their minds, usually their new jobs. They avoided talking about you-know-what. It was easy to forget about their problems once they settled into the easy give and take of their relationship. Alec didn’t want a caregiver and he certainly wouldn’t call Ellie that, but it was nice having her around. Safe and warm. She wouldn’t let him know but Miller felt the same way. She found it easy to lose herself in taking care of Alec. And she relied on that brief reprieve from everything going on.

Today had been a particularly long day for the pair, and they were desperate to relax. Hardy had wet himself at work today for the first time in his life. He had only been training officers for a few weeks and an incident like this could have easily jeopardized his whole career and the ability to keep his classification a secret.

Alec had been teaching a class, droning on about forensics, when it happened. He could feel the pressure building, shifting from foot to foot. The feeling seemed to come out of nowhere. One moment he was perfectly fine, the next he felt like he might explode. He kept glancing between the PowerPoint and the clock, but his brain was short circuiting.

He only had to teach for ten more minutes and then he could rush to the restroom. He gripped the podium hard enough for his knuckles to turn white, as he tried to rush through the last few slides. Before he could even make it through one, he felt relief. Unfortunately that relief came in the form of a hot gush of liquid dripping down his leg, as he gaped in shock. He found himself extremely grateful for the podium in front of him. Nobody seemed to have noticed, and as long as he stayed put he was safe.

Hardy didn’t even finish reading off the slides before dismissing everyone early. He silently thanked god that none of the trainees hung around for too long after. He stood frozen, staring down at where his trousers grew dark with urine. Thankfully none of his piss had made it to the floor. He was glad he’d had the good sense to pack a change of clothes .

Miller on the other hand had several events happen that led to her bad day. Firstly she’d had a massive row with Tom; and secondly a coworker had brought up the Latimer case, not knowing any better. It only sent her spiraling into an internal rage for the rest of the day. No big deal. Not that she would admit it but she needed this almost as much, if not more than Hardy did.

Currently they were sat side by side at the table, Hardy gently taking bites of some kind of chicken and pasta Ellie had made. That’s how their evenings usually went. Ellie made dinner (after a lot of hassle she finally convinced Alec to buy some groceries), sometimes she had Fred with her, but most of the time it was just the two of them.

Hardy had never really had someone make dinner for him. He knew how to cook, but he saw no point in doing it just for himself. It was nice to have a good meal without all the pressure of preparing the food and cleaning up. Miller fed him off her fork, he pretend to be upset by it but still made happy little noises as he ate. She alternated feeding herself bites and giving Alec bites off the same fork. He hadn’t realized when that started happening, but he surprised himself when he couldn’t be bothered to care. At some point their relationship had become more than a caregiver just doing a favor for a little. He tried it to think about it too hard.

After dinner they sat snuggled up on the couch like usual, Ellie already knew the drill and flipped the channel to Peppa Pig. Most nights she would ask anyways because the way Alec said “Peppa Pig” when he was little warmed her heart in ways she couldn’t describe. But tonight he already had the bottle in his mouth and was sucking down his tea contently.

She sat back and relaxed, threading her fingers through Hardy’s hair with her free hand; her other hand held the bottle to his lips. It wasn’t long before he was wet again.

Alec actually looked forward to diaper changes now. Ellie always kissed his belly or tickled him. He writhed in laughter, putting his hands around her neck as he was picked up. Without even thinking he blurted out, “I love you.”He froze, realizing his mistake as soon as the words left his mouth. He was shocked straight out of little space, his calm floaty feeling being replaced with horror. “I didn’t mean that,” he said too quickly.

Ellie stared at him in shock, trying to gather her thoughts. “Do you want to talk about it?” Is all she could think to say.

“No.”

“Alec..” she paused to sit down, “I really think we should talk about it.”

Hardy had scrambled out of her arms as soon as she sat down, putting as much distance between himself and Miller as he could. He still couldn’t believe this was happening. He wondered how on earth things could have gotten this out of hand this quickly.

“Sir it’s okay. It really is,” she laid her hand on his shoulder; he quickly shrugged it off. 

“Do you want me to be your caregiver?” She asked honestly. Ellie didn’t quite know if she wanted him to say yes, but she certainly didn’t want to give up whatever they had going on here.

“I don’t need a bloody caregiver!” He stood up, shouting, “This has already gotten way out of hand. None of this should have ever happened in the first place. I need to be able to work, Miller. I need my pills back. I need to be able to go places without worrying that I’m going to piss myself or drop into little space.” 

An awkward silence fell over the room as Hardy finished speaking. Ellie shook her head, getting up from the couch. “Well I think I misunderstood our relationship then,” she had thought he was enjoying their meetings as much as she was and it hurt to hear otherwise.

“I think you should go.”

“You’re right. I should go,” Miller confirmed, making sure to slam the door a bit harder than she should have on her way out. She couldn’t help the hot tears that ran down her face, feeling foolish for getting her hopes up. For thinking that this- thing, was going to be anything but temporary.

Miller left, and Hardy was all alone again. He wasn’t sure if he made the right decision or the biggest mistake of his life, but here he was. And Miller wasn’t coming back this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof okay now that this chapters out of the way we can get into the real juicy bits


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of what happens in this chapter follows directly with the show but I included it all to show where they have been emotionally and what they are thinking.

“Have you seen her?”

Oliver pulled a face and gave a small shake of his head, “Have you?”

“No,” Hardy said honestly. He hadn’t seen Ellie. At least not since that- thing happened. It’d been months. 6 of them more or less. Half a year since he’d even spoken to her. After their short stint of whatever the hell they were, it felt a bit like a break up.

She’d been right though. He did need a caregiver. With his heart problems and his health steadily in decline, there was no way he could start taking suppressants again and survive it. He was stuck struggling to take care of himself, trying desperately to fight his own nature. Being little without someone to take care of him, someone who gives a shit, was just as terrifying as it had been before.

Hardy had finally given in and started wearing pull ups under his suit after one too many accidents at work. He was cutting it close by not wearing diapers, but the pull-ups gave him a good 15 minutes to get changed before they became leaky. A diaper would be absolutely a dead give away to his classification with how visible they were even through slacks.

The truth was he didn’t just need a caregiver, he wanted one. He wanted Ellie more precisely. He couldn’t imagine anyone else doing it, but he’d mucked up so badly he’d be lucky if Miller was even willing to be friends again.

Hardy was barely scraping by without a caregiver. But if you asked him he was doing just fine on his own. While he could get by without one, once he’d had the experience of having a caregiver- especially one as good as Ellie, it just didn’t compare. There was something especially humiliating about having to change your own nappies. He looked positively ridiculous in them (Ellie would have said he looked cute), and having to face up to the reality of his body betraying him was just an added bonus.

Hardy was excited to see her, despite the circumstances. And Ellie had to be honest, she was a little bit happy to see him too. Something about seeing a familiar face waving her over made what was about to happen seem just that bit less imposing.

As soon as she sat down Miller got a whiff of the sweet baby smell that she was so familiar with. After spending so much time with him, even with the time apart, she could tell the minute differences between Hardy’s baby-like smell and that of every other baby little. In the crowd nobody else would notice, but she did. She was pleased to see Hardy was finally taking his health seriously and hadn’t gotten back on the pills the moment she left, (Not that he hadn’t tried).

Upon closer inspection she noted Hardy’s cheeks were fuller, a certain softness had replaced the hard edges of his face. It was subtle, you wouldn’t notice unless you really looked. He looked good. She got a pang of jealously as she briefly wondered if he’d found another caregiver. The idea was quickly dismissed, Hardy would have never willingly let anyone find out about this.

‘Oh. Maybe he would.’ Ellie thought as Hardy got up to talk with some woman. Judging by his body language he desperately wanted her to leave. She couldn’t tell if she hoped Hardy had found a new caregiver or not. Either way that jealous feeling returned.

“Who was that?” Ellie asked as he sat back down, but before she could get her answer it started. And there was Joe, and this suddenly became all too real.

She waited for him to say it. To say the one word that would make this end. So maybe she could move on with her life. She waited with bated breath.

“Not guilty,” Joe said, with such conviction it almost sounded like he believed it.

“No,” Ellie cried out. ‘How could he do this, how could he get away with it?’ she thought, her mind racing. She looked to Hardy, hoping that this was all fake, in denial that this was happening.

But then he said it again, “Not guilty.” With that same conviction that made her blood boil. She was even angrier than when she’d found out, if that was at all possible.

Miller was devastated. Hardy didn’t exactly know what to do or say to make it better, because it was never going to be better. And Ellie probably didn’t even want to talk to him after what happened, but she had nobody else.The pink bathroom was probably the last place he wanted to have this conversation with Miller, but the feeling was likely mutual.

“Doesn’t he know what this is going to do to Beth and Mark? To all of us? Oh god. Who’s gonna tell Tom? He’s at school, if his friends find out before him-“

“It’s alright. I’ve spoke to your sister, she and Ollie are going to take him out at lunch today,” Alec said. He would always look out for her. Even if they hadn’t spoken in months, he owed it to her.

“Well, I have to go with them. I could see him-“

“You know he doesn’t want that.”

“I’m his mother,” Ellie cried, her face contorted with emotion. His heart ached for her. This kind of pain is just unimaginable. And he had no idea how to help. “He’s only gonna blame me more; how am I ever going to get him back if there’s a trial?” Her voice broke on the last word, and he wanted nothing more than for someone to tell him what to do. How to make this right. “How is this my life now?”

“I’m sorry,” he said gently. He thought for a moment about what Ellie did for him usually when he cried. “Do you- want a hug?”

“What? No!”

“Right. No,” he said. Of course she didn’t want a hug from him. He was probably the last person she wanted comfort from right now.

“What’s the matter with you?! ‘Do you want a hug?’” She shouted, “Yeah right let’s just hug it out.”

“I was just trying to help. People do that.”

“Yeah, well not you,” Ellie made a dig at him, and he knew exactly what it was about.

That one hurt. Badly. He knew he deserved it, but he didn’t know what he could do to make it up to her. He felt his pull-up grow heavy and wet, unable to control himself while trying to process so many emotions. “Try not to be alone today, Miller,” he made a last ditch effort, trying to let her know he still cared. He still cared even though he said what he did the last time he saw her. He still cared even though he hadn’t called to apologize in 6 months.

“I am alone, Sir.”

“You don’t have to call me Sir anymore.”

“I know,” she said, crashing into the wet floor sign. “Jesus Christ! Did you put that there?”

And just like that she was gone again. He wasn’t sure what hurt more, the fact that Ellie thought she was alone in this or the fact that he was powerless to do anything about it.


	19. Chapter 19

Ellie was unprepared. It should have been over; he admitted he did it, he knew what it would do to them, to the whole town. And yet, against all odds, here she was, having to prepare herself for a trial. How could she have been so naive as to think Joe would just take responsibility for his actions, let them be free of this added suffering. No, this would go on forever. And on top of that, she was completely and utterly alone.

“How do I feel?”

“About Joe.”

She’d gathered that the therapist meant about Joe. Shouldn’t it have been obvious though? What kind of person would feel any other way than sickened and bloody furious. “Do you mean, do I still fantasize about beating him with a hammer until he’s dead? Do I still daydream about that when I’m making my toast? And thinking how often I’d hit him? Or wiping the blood and the brains of the hammer? And do I worry those thoughts make me the same as him?” She said, with little emotion behind it. “Not as often no,” if the therapist was going to ask obvious questions she was going to give obvious answers.

“And after being in court?”

Ah. There was another one of those questions. Ellie couldn’t imagine anyone in her situation being better off after that shit storm. And after seeing Alec again, well that just added an extra layer of confusion for her. “I was doing okay, you know? Pressing it down. Burying it. I taught myself to do that these past few months so I could survive. And then in the court- seeing him, and him choosing to- . Ok, naive, but I thought he’d plead guilty and in a few months or years I could go back to my home in Broadchurch and I could cope with all the glances and the stares, because justice would have been done and he wouldn’t be coming back. Then maybe, in time, Tom would want to come live with me again. It all seems a long ways away now,” she finished rambling adding on, “Alec kept telling me eventually Tom would come around, but now I’m not so sure.”

“And what about Alec? Have you spoken to him?”

“Yeah. I saw him in the court. I don’t know why, but I thought maybe things would just fall back into place, you know? And maybe he’d want to be my little, but it looks like he’s got himself a new caregiver,” Ellie knew this all sounded trivial and stupid in the wake of everything else that had happened, but Hardy still kept popping up in her life and her thoughts. “I know I shouldn’t be but I’m jealous that I don’t get to be the one who takes care of him. Even after all the progress we made.”

“It sounds like you want him to be your little.”

“Well I do yeah,” Ellie surprised herself with the honesty of her answer. She hadn’t had much time to dwell on it with everything else going on, but that was the truth.

“Miller,” Alec had been waiting outside the therapist’s office for her.

Ellie was shocked to see him, especially after what happened in the courtroom. “Go away! What are you doing here?” Even after her revelation about their relationship she was still angry. The sharp feeling in the pit of her stomach that lingered from the harsh words he’d said. The jealously from seeing him with another caregiver. Now was the worst time for him to show up.

“Did you have an appointment?”

“Yeah well I didn’t tell anyone,” what she really wanted to say was I didn’t tell _you_. “Have you been following me?”__

_ _“Shuddup.”_ _

_ _“That’s right? Stalk me and insult me. And you wonder why you’re divorced.”_ _

_ _“I’m in a bit of trouble,” Alec said, hoping Miller wasn’t too angry with him. She was the last person he wanted to put this burden on but she was the only person he trusted._ _

_ _“Yeah? So am I if I don’t get Fred from the child minder’s in the next 20 minutes,” Ellie’s thoughts about their relationship mere moments ago flew out the window. It was unbelievable how poor his timing was._ _

_ _“Seriously. There’s something I need your help with,” he sucked up his pride and asked honestly for her help._ _

_ _“Get in,” Ellie snapped, stomping to the other side of the car. “For God’s sake.”_ _

_ _Ellie wasn’t sure exactly what she expected when she got in the car with Hardy, but this was far from it. The dark haired woman from the court was there again, and Ellie’s heart sank in her chest. Still, she put her best foot forward and tried to be cordial._ _

_ _“You’re worried. She’ll look after you,” as soon as the words left Hardy’s mouth she became exponentially more confused about the whole situation._ _

_ _“What?” She and Claire said in unison._ _

_ _“Let’s not do this out here. Inside,” Hardy was bossy even at the best of times._ _

_ _Claire fawned over Fred, making polite conversation. “Sorry is she your-?” Ellie asked, trailing off incase she was wrong._ _

_ _Hardy scrunched his face in confusion for a moment before finally grasping what Miller was getting at. “Oh no- she’s not-,” she stumbled over his words shaking his head and gesturing vaguely._ _

_ _Ellie couldn’t hide the huge relief visible on her face. “Ok. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”_ _

_ _The relief didn’t last long after hearing just exactly what was going on. She hadn’t thought it was possible to add anymore anger on top of what she already felt, but Alec absolutely blew that out of the water. She was furious. Hardy really was unbelievable. Bringing her here to protect the reason she lost out on a promotion. Forgetting her son’s name after they’d had dinners together._ _

_ _“Please, Miller. I need to know I got Sandbrook right in the end. I can’t do it alone,” Alec pleaded. And well, it would be an understatement to say Ellie had a soft spot for him.And that’s how She found herself sleeping in the spare bedroom of this stupid little cottage, on some off the wall mission. _ _

_ _Fred was already well asleep by the time Alec came knocking at her door. “Don’t come in!” She said, trying not to wake Fred._ _

_ _“Of course I’m not coming in, I’m on the sofa,” Hardy said, only the slightest bit hurt. To his surprise though, Miller came out into the hallway, shutting the door quietly behind her. She was still clad in her nightgown; something about seeing Ellie in her pajamas was strangely too intimate. She’d seen him in all manner of undress, and yet, somehow he’d never even seen her in a nightgown. It felt strangely perverse. He looked up at the ceiling, a deep blush spreading across his face._ _

_ _“Well what did you want then?” Ellie nearly burst out laughing at Hardy’s sudden modesty after the various states she’s seen him in._ _

_ _“Just wanted to see how you were doing. Say goodnight and all.”_ _

_ _“I’m doing fine,” there was an awkward pause as they both searched for something to say. “So she’s- she’s not your caregiver then is she? You didn’t get another caregiver?” Ellie asked, just to confirm._ _

_ _“What? Claire? No!” He said incredulously. He couldn’t help but notice the way Ellie said ‘another’ caregiver. He felt butterflies in the pit of his stomach, hoping that this was going somewhere. “Of course I didn’t get a caregiver. Nobody can know about this,” he said in a hushed voice, hoping Claire wasn’t eavesdropping. “I- look Miller. I wanted to apologize. For what I said... back then.”_ _

_ _“Don’t. Don’t even worry about it, I’ve already forgotten,” Ellie responded, brushing off Alec’s apology._ _

_ _“No, Miller. It’s not okay. I shouldn’t have said that. I-“ apologizing was always difficult for Hardy, but this one seemed to come out with much more strain than usual. This apology felt raw and vulnerable, and if he was being honest (he never would be) he was afraid of Miller’s rejection. “I liked our meet ups. I liked seeing you. I liked-“ he couldn’t finish the sentence, instead skipping straight to the point, “I wanted to keep on doing what we were doing. I wanted you to be my caregiver.”_ _

_ _Ellie froze up, unsure where to go from there. “Well do you still want me to?” She said finally._ _

_ _“Be my caregiver?”_ _

_ _“Yeah.”_ _

_ _Hardy wanted to run and hide. The ball was in his court now, and he had to decide where this relationship was going. He wasn’t exactly sure what that sort of relationship entailed. He’d never had a caregiver before. His mind was racing and he felt a bit faint. “I think we should talk about it in the morning,” he squeaked out, trying to avoid the question._ _

_ _“Alec,” Ellie sighed, getting tired of the games and the waiting around, “I need an answer. I’m not gonna sit around waiting for you to-“_ _

_ _Alec cut her off, making the decision he knew he wanted to all along, “Yes. Okay. I do still want that.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, some actual additional plot and not just emotional explanation of actions


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the long time no update. I doubled my hours at work last week and kind of have brain rot now.

Alec woke up before dawn in a very wet diaper. A few rooms over he could hear Fred waking, soft cries and noises of discontent followed by Ellie shushing the toddler and moving about.

He waddled to the bathroom, intent on chaning himself, so Miller could focus on her son, but she had other plans. He must have forgotten to lock the door, because a few seconds later Miller was poking her head into the room. “You brought nappies?” She asked, even though his trousers were around his ankles, revealing a very water logged diaper.

Hardy nodded awkwardly, pointing at his bag. “Oh, what a good boy!” She exclaimed. Ellie pushed her way into the bathroom, Fred still perched on her hip. “Well then, get out of the dirty nappy so we can get you into a fresh one,” she said, setting Fred down on the ground.

“What?” He blinked, gears turning in head, “In front of him?”

“Yeah. He’s little he doesn’t know anything.”

Alec paused to consider, looking Fred dead in the eye. “No. Not in front of him.” 

“Well it’s going to be bloody difficult to make this work if you won’t even let me change you around my baby,” it was harsh to lay the guilt on so thick, but Ellie knew Hardy would have to get comfortable with this. She knew full well being Alec’s caregiver wasn’t going to be an easy endeavor, but she’d try her best to get him to break his bad habits.

“Ok,” he sighed, looking to the ceiling.

It was awkward. He couldn’t stop thinking about how there was another person in the room, even if that person was two and wouldn’t remember this 4 minutes from now.

Ellie reached for a thick white diaper, bypassing the colorful pull-ups Hardy had bought for himself. “No the pull-ups,” he said, backing away from the nappy.

“What? Those won’t hold your wee. They’ll leak.”

Hardy was suddenly embarrassed Ellie knew such intimate details about him. “They give me enough time to get changed. The nappies show through my suits. I can’t wear them to work, it’s not an option.”

“Ok,” Ellie said, relenting. She knew this was a battle that couldn’t be won. “Alright, you’re good to go,” Ellie said, pulling his sweat pants back up and patting his butt.

“Mmph,” Alec huffed; Ellie looked at him expectantly. “Thank you,” he sighed, shooing her out of the bathroom so he could get dressed.

As soon as he’d done the last button on his shirt his phone rang. “Hello?”

“You need to get down to the church as soon as possible dectective Hardy,” a voice on the other side of the line rushed out.

“Who is this? Paul?”

“Yes. Sir, you need to get down here as soon as you can.”

“What’s going on then?”

“They’re exhuming Daniel Latimer,” Paul paused and Hardy could hear him suck in a deep breathe, “Joe’s put in a request to exhume the body and they’re doing it now.”

“Shit. Bloody hell, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Alec said, hanging up and throwing on his jacket. Worst case scenario was a gross understatement for what was about to happen. He couldn’t even imagine how Ellie would feel once she found out.

Ellie had no idea where Alec had to be in such a rush, but the way he skirted around the subject and wanted Ellie to leave him put a deep feeling of dread in her. She didn’t know just exactly what would happen when she got out, but she had an inkling. The sick feeling in her stomach that never went away threatened to bubble over and become actual sick when she saw what was happening.

“You okay?” Alec asked, trying not to put the ‘I told you to stay in the car’ behind his voice.

Ellie just gave a small shake of her head, there were no words in the English language big enough to describe the deep set feeling of unwell that only got worse the longer this went on.

Alec shifted from foot to foot, looking for something he could say or do to make this any bit better. “Do you-“ he trailed off, suddenly becoming incredibly uncomfortable, “Want to come over later?”

Miller looked up at him, making eye contact. She gave a small nod this time, “Yeah. Let me see if dad can watch Fred.”

Alec was ready when Miller came over that night. He cleaned the whole house, covering up any evidence that he’d struggled to take care of himself in her absence. Alec hadn’t used a bottle or pacifier in 6 months. Something about using a bottle on his own was more demeaning; he just couldn’t bring himself to it, even if it would make his life easier.

Ellie was suprised by how well Hardy seemed to do on his own. She was pleased by the lack of urine soaked clothes and stained sheets, if a bit suspicious. 

They sat awkwardly across the sofa from one another, watching the news. Alec appeared to be more or less big tonight, but his aversion to being touched when he was big worried Miller. “Do you want to snuggle?” She asked, looking over to him.

“No,” he shook his head, keeping his eyes locked on the TV.

“Why not?”

“I’m big.”

“So?”

“So we shouldn’t do that when I’m big Miller. It’s weird.”

Ellie stopped in her tracks, trying to process what Alec had just said. “Why do you think it’s weird to snuggle when you’re big Hardy?”

“I just don’t like it,” he lied. What he would have said, if he were being honest would have been, ‘I do want to snuggle even when I’m big, but I don’t want to be needy and I’m afraid of what would happen if I said yes.’ But he had already decided not to be honest on this one.

“Well,” Ellie started, seeing straight through his lies, “What if I wanted to snuggle when you’re big? Would you snuggle then?”

“Maybe,” Alec said, trying to keep his thumb from inching up towards his mouth, a terrible comfort tactic he’d adopted even when big now. It was around the same time Alec realized his pull-up was quite wet and leaky. He got off the sofa, waddling toward the bathroom, hoping Ellie wouldn’t notice.

“Where are you going?”

“The bathroom, Miller.”

“Do you need a change.”

“No,” he lied again, hoping to maintain the fallacy that he could control his bladder at least when he was big.

Alec had been in the bathroom for a suspiciously long time when Ellie got up to check on him. “Hardy? Do you need some help in there?” Ellie said, knocking on the door.

Seeing no other option Alec decided to tell the truth, “Yes.” He opened the door, letting her in. Despite being big his mind had seemingly gone blank and he was unable to come up with how to change himself.

“Can I help you with that?” Ellie asked, pointing at his very obviously soaked and saggy pull-up.

“Mmmhp,” Alec made a noise of consideration, growing anxious. “ ‘m big still Miller.”

“Ok,” Ellie wasn’t quite sure why it mattered so much that he was big. “So do you want help with that?” She repeated.

Hardy wasn’t exactly sure why he was crying, but big fat tears had started to roll down his cheeks. He hadn’t cried while he was big in a very long time. Something about being wet, and not being able to help himself, made him feel out of control. “Is that okay?” He whispered, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

“Alec,” she cradled his face, forcing him to make eye contact, “I’m your caregiver.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“It means that it’s okay. It means that I take care of you. No matter what. When you’re little. When you’re big. Even when you’re being a little arsehole,” he gave her the stink eye at the last one, “It means that you can trust me to have your best interest in mind, and do what you're comfortable with when you're little or big. You can ask me for help with anything.”

“But what do you get out of this Miller?” Hardy had a hard time understanding why anyone would would to be a little let alone take care of one.

“Well caregivers need to take care of a little just like littles need to be taken care of by a caregiver,” she said simple.

“Why me though? Don’t you want- something different? A better little who you can take to parks and whatever else littles do? I don’t want this. I don’t want to be a little.”

“But you are. You are a little. And I don’t know why you. But I love you and I care about you and there’s really not much we can do about that now. So let’s get you changed before you get a rash,” something about being so blatantly honest was painfully intimate for both of them. 

“Ok,” Hardy nodded, letting himself be put in a fresh nappy. Something about the extra padding, the thickness of it and how obvious it felt in comparison to the pull-ups made him feel safe. Secure. Protected. He let Ellie pick him up and carry him to the couch, and even though he was big he still snuggled up in her arms. “I love you too,” he mumbled into her shoulder, feeling exposed.

“I know.”


	21. Chapter 21

Hardy awoke in a cold sweat, clothes and diaper drenched. He sat up bolt right, crying audibly. A firm hand came up to his shoulder, rubbing in soothing circles. At first he didn’t realize where he was, glancing around in a panic, only to see his own living room. It took him a moment to recognize the person he was being comforted by, but upon seeing Miller’s face twisted up in concern, he felt instant relief. ‘Oh, Ellie’ his brain supplied, as he fell back into her chest without hesitation. “You spent the night?” He said in between heaving sobs.

“Yeah, I did,” Ellie said in a soft grumbling voice, revealing how groggy she was. 

Alec relaxed into the soft ministrations as she brushed hair clumped up with sweat from his forehead. He quieted and listened to the consistent thump of Ellie’s heart, reminding him where he was.

“So, what’s the matter little one? Did you have a nightmare my baby?” The vibrations of her voice were soothing from where Alec had his head rested on her chest. He nodded, twisting a hand up into the fabric of her shirt. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” he shook his head, continuing to try to snuggle closer to her. Ellie thought if he could he would have crawled inside her body. When Hardy had finally settled down he took all of his courage and mumbled out, “ ‘m wet.”

“Wet?” Ellie said, “Well that just wont do. How about a change then?”

Hardy nodded and Miller scooped him up and laid him out on the floor. He looked up at her with glassy eyes, chewing on his thumb. The thumb was quickly replaced by a pacifier. Ellie leaned down and kissed his stomach, delighting in the small smile he gave her. Only then did she realize that Alec had finally, finally, told her when he was wet. A huge step, even if he only felt comfortable whispering it to her in the early hours of the morning.

As soon as he was in a dry diaper and fresh pajamas Alec reached up, silently asking to be held. Ellie found herself having a hard time reigning in the stray tear that made its way down her cheek at realizing that he was /her/ little. He wasn’t going anywhere and she had somebody to take care of and love and nurture for however long this lasted. Somebody who loved her. And they were finally making progress!

It felt like such a huge shift from yesterday that Ellie briefly wondering if he was going to get his drop soon. She’d hate to think of Alec having had a drop while he didn’t have a caregiver. She kissed and rocked Alec until he went to sleep, arms wrapped around her neck.

Hardy was hovering over her when she woke up. His glazed over stare and steady sucking on his pacifier told her just how little he was. “Good morning baby,” she said, seeing a smile spread across his face as he stepped away to she could sit up. “Have you been waiting for me?”

He nodded, bringing out a plate and two pieces of toast with jam messily smeared on them. “Breakfast, Ellie,” he said, words coming out garbled around the pacifier.

“Oh thank you,” the toast was burnt, and there was way too much jam, but she ate it none the less.

Alec was unusually snuggly this morning, clinging to Ellie as she got ready, only allowing himself to be pealed away from her side so they could get dressed.

As she did up the last button on his shirt Miller said the exact opposite of what she wanted to, “Ok. It’s time to be big now, you’ve got work and we’ve got to see Claire later.”

“I know that, Miller. I’m not a child,” Alec snapped.

“Right.”

Work was unusually hellish for Hardy. He felt horrid, and for some reason his mind continuously drifted back to Miller. He wondered what she was up to while he was here. The work here, teaching the basics and procedures, was monotonous at best and downright dull at worst. He supposed that his disinterest didn’t help himself or the students.

It didn’t make his day any better that his boss tried to catch him on his way out to reprimand him for being so intensely boring. Being constantly reminded that he was sick, training people to do the job he so desperately wanted to be doing instead, wearing pull-ups that seemed to somehow constantly be wet, was demeaning. Humiliating. 

He rushed home, thighs chafed raw fron the pull-ups. If that and running into Lee on his way home wasn’t enough, seeing Miller rummaging through the Sandbrook file made him positively livid, pushing him over the edge. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Ellie responded closing the file in her lap.

“No way!” He shouted, “For God’s sake Miller!”

“Don’t you have a go at me,” she said.

“How dare you? I ask for one bloody favor and you start snooping around-“

“Why do you still have that stuff anyway?” She raised her voice over his.

“None of your business!”

“You’ve made it my business,” Ellie said matter of fact, putting her hands on her hips as he took a phone call.

“Actually I’m with her right now,” he said into the phone. “We’ve got to go meet with the Latimer’s lawyer,” Hardy slipped the phone back into his pocket.

“Where do you think you’re going?” She said, stopping him in his tracks. “You’re going to need a change. You’re walking like you’ve just come off a horse,” it worried her that he wore his wet nappies to the point of getting a rash nearly everyday.

Although being changed sounded perfect at this moment Hardy was seething with anger and snapped out, “I can do it myself,” before shutting himself in the bathroom and slamming the door in Miller’s face. He hoped she didn’t see the slight quiver of his lip. 

The walk over was deathly silent. Ellie could feel the frustration coming off Alec and decided it’d be best not to say anything. Walking so close to him with the breeze blowing her way she noted his baby-like smell had changed slightly from the usual. ‘Ah. That explains it. So that’s why he’s been so irritable today,’ she thought to herself. Hardy’s drop would hit him full force a few days from now. Ellie made a mental note to line up a night sitter for Fred.

“Did she say what she wanted?” Ellie remarked as they made their way up the hill, “What do you think it is?”

“I dunno. Stop wittering Miller,” he said, more important things on his mind than whatever Jocelyn wanted either of them for, “Lee Ashworth came to see me earlier. Said he’s looking for Claire and he’s not going to stop until he finds her.”

“Well you said that’s what you wanted. Now you’ve got it.”

They left Jocelyn’s feeling exponentially more stressed than they had nearly two hours before. They walked over to the pier in tense silence, only talking once they’d made it to their destination and flopped down onto the bench beside each other.

“Shit. Tom will hear about it. His mum beating up his dad in the police station,” Ellie groaned out, “Oh god. What’ll I do? Run away, or emigrate, or- oh god-“

“What have you eaten today?” Alec asked sincerely.

“Toast, KitKat, and a scotch egg.”

“Well, lets get some food into you then Miller,” he tested the waters, reaching out and patting her knee. She felt a gush of fondness for him at the gesture, despite his earlier moodiness. Alec might act like an asshole, but deep down he really, truly cared too much for other people. 

Hardy had been feeling intensely, and almost terrifyingly (for him at least), attached to Miller the last few days. He wasn’t sure if it was because she was his caregiver now, or because they were spending so much time together; but he suddenly felt like /this/ was the most important thing in his life right now. His relationship with her, giving something back 

And not 20 minutes later they found themselves sat back at home, steadily working their way through lunch. Half way through, he set down his fork and looked across the table at her, “Claire needs to meet Ashworth. I want to put them together.”

“And you don’t see that as a risk?”

“No it’s not a risk it’s an opportunity, it’s only gonna come once.”

“Then do it officially, talk to Jenkinson or one of your old bosses-“

“Nobody cares, Miller,” Hardy seethed, He was angry nobody gave a shit that the killer of two good people still runs free. Angry that Joe might get away too. Angry that it was his fault. Every damn time. “That case is tainted. Nobody wants to get near it. That’s my failing- I’ve got to put it right,” he said, going back to his lunch.

“What if he didn’t do it? What if you’re wrong?”

“Just help me convince Claire,” he pleaded.

Ellie couldn’t say no to him, he knew what he was doing. At the end of the day she trusted his instincts.

So they went to the cabin. And Ellie found herself talking with Claire- telling the story of how she met Joe, trying to convince her to go with Alec’s plan. She didn’t lie when she said her old life was gone and she needed to put something right. That was probably the truest thing she’d said.

By the time she left it was well past dark out, and Hardy was long gone. She walked past his house, seeing him sleeping in his chair through the window, she knocked and watched him startle awake and stagger to answer the door.

“She’ll do it. Claire’s agreed to meet him.”

“Oh Miller I could kiss you,” he said in a voice the grumbled with sleep.

“Just promise me she’ll be safe. You’re not going to do anything reckless.”

“She’ll be safe,” seeing the disbelief on Ellie’s face he added, “Nothing reckless. She’ll be safe.”

That seemed to satisfy her. “Goodnight,” she said, turning on her heal to leave.

“See ya,” he said out of habit, before calling after her. “Wait. Miller, do you- want to come in?” He asked, swaying on his feet.

“Oh,” Ellie was suprised Hardy wanted her to come in after the day he’d had. She was pleased nonetheless. “I’m sorry Alec. I’ve got to get back to Fred. Dad’s waiting. I’ll be by tomorrow. Promise,” she said before continuing down the walk way.

“Right,” Hardy said to himself. He understood so he wasn’t sure why he felt so incredibly devastated and alone when he finally shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter seemed a bit slow its one of those chapters I had to chop and there will be a new one tomorrow!


	22. Chapter 22

“Hello?”

“Miller,” she could hear Alec clear his throat from the other side of the phone, “I was wondering if you could pick me up- for court.”

“Yeah, of course. Are you alright?” She said, hearing the odd lilt to his voice.

“I-“ there was a long pause before he sighed out the rest of his sentence like it physically hurt him to speak, “I need help. With- with the bed.”

“Ah. Did you have an accident? Another nightmare?”

“Shut up Miller. Just get here soon,” he said, anxiety leaking into his voice. “Please,” he added in a rush before hanging up.

“Yepp, be there soon,” Ellie huffed out to herself, pressing a kiss to Fred’s forehead.

When she arrived, she discovered the door already half open, the breeze causing the curtains to wave in the wind. “Alec?” She called out, making her way to the bedroom. “Are you okay?” She asked, seeing him sat on the edge of the bed in his pajamas. He didn’t answer; just raised his arms in a silent plea to be held.

Hardy had very clearly went to bed in the same pull-up he’d been wearing when she left, as there was a large wet patch on the bed as well as down the side of his legs. Ellie picked him up awkwardly, trying to avoid getting her clothes wet. “Oh, Alec. I am so sorry my baby. I should have made sure you were set before I left last night,” she said in a voice saved specially for children and littles.

“ ‘m not a baby,” he grumbled into her shoulder.

Despite his obvious accident, Ellie still had no luck convincing him to wear a diaper instead of a pull-up. Still, she stuffed several nappies in her purse along with Alec’s pull-ups. Hardy merely stood by, biting his thumb while she stripped the bed. After cleaning up his mess, she dressed him in his best suit and sat him in the car, pulling the seatbelt tight over his chest.

“Going to be alright for court?” She gave him a sideways glance as she pulled away from the curb.

“Yeah. Just not feeling well,” he said, leaning on the window.

Ellie could tell he was being honest, because he didn’t even try to feign anger this morning. “Getting your drop you think?” despite knowing the answer she asked anyways.

“My what?”

“Your drop.”

Alec gave her a confused look, waiting for an explanation, “What do you mean?”

Ellie gave him an incredulous look; she would have pulled the car over if they weren't in town. “You know, when littles get really little every couple of months? When your hormone cycle makes you need extra care. Just like how Caregivers get theirs,” seeing that his face remained scrunched in confusion, she added, “Like how they teach you when you’re in secondary school?”

Hardy’s face got hot, looking out the window to hide how he’d gone beet red, “My parents made me stay home that day.”

‘Oh,’ Miller thought to herself. She was consistently suprised by the extent of his parent’s abuse. “Have you never had one?”

“No,” he coughed, trying to cover up his waivering tone, “ ‘suppose the pills took care of that.”

She couldn’t even imagine how scary it must be for him to be having his first drop at this age. Not even knowing what to expect. All of this made her understand Alec exponentially more. “It’ll be okay. Expect you’ll get the worst of it in a few days here. I’ll stay with you till it’s over. Make sure you’re taken care of,” she said as they pulled into a parking spot outside the courthouse.

“I don’t need to be taken care of Miller,” although that’s what he said the glassy eyed look he had plastered across his face said otherwise.

Being so early, they were lucky enough to have time to sit down and eat before going in. Alec opened the paper on his muffin and had picked it nearly to crumbs by the time Ellie said anything, “Why aren’t you eating?” 

Hardy didn’t eat much but he would never turn down food that was set in front of him.

“What uh- what happens? When you get your drop?” He asked, breaking apart what remained of his muffin. The sheer amount left unknown weighed heavy on his mind. What else was going to surprise him? How else could his body betray him?

“Well-“ she started, taking a bite out of her own breakfast, “I just feel off for a few days and then I have the very intense urge to care for a little or anything else. Can’t stop myself until it’s over. I suspect it’s much the same for a little ‘cept the other way around. Though if you’ve never had one before your first one’s the worst. Might get sick a bit too the first time.” She side-eyed Hardy, trying to gauge his reaction but finding his face blank. “For God’s sake Alec, please eat the muffin or throw it away. Stop picking at it,” she said- but before she could finish Alec was tearing off down the stairs towards Lee Ashworth.

“I want to do it at your house,” Hardy said over dinner that night.

“My house?”

“In Broadchurch.”

Miller went silent for a few moments, setting down her fork, “Alec- I haven’t been back there yet.”

“I know,” he realized the thought of returning must be unbearable, but it would have to happen sometime and there wasn’t any better place to get the Ashworths together.

“Do we have to do it there?”

“Yes. It’s a neutral space that we know the layout of.”

She rested her face in her hands, rubbing the creases in her forehead, “Okay.”

He nodded before getting up to take his plate to the sink. “Go sit down. I’ll do the washing up,” Alec offered, giving her some time to think on the situation.

Ellie flopped down on the sofa, absentmindedly flipping through the channels until she landed on an old sitcom, just something for background noise. She shut her eyes for a moment and felt Alec sit down beside her. She silently pulled him into her side, smiling when she noticed his thumb had made its way up to his mouth without hesitation. She pulled his pacifer out of her pocket and gently replaced his thumb with it.

He snuggled closer, falling hard and deep into little space. He lazily watched TV, enjoying the feeling of Ellie’s hand in his hair. On the screen somebody played with a little, covering and uncovering their face, making the little giggle. Alec hummed, playing with a piece of Miller’s hair.

“Ah,” Ellie got an idea, turning to Alec, “Do you want to play that game, baby?” Ellie said, putting a hand over her eyes. She’d never seen Hardy play or really do anything other than snuggle or sleep when he was little, and the show gave her an idea. If there was ever a time this would work, right before his drop would be it. She quickly took her hand away from her eyes and said “peekaboo!”

Much to her dismay Hardy just scrunched up his face and took out his pacifier, “I’m an adult Miller. I know you don’t go anywhere. That’s why babies think that’s funny you know.”

She didn’t acknowledge what he said, instead repeating the action again and again, despite his glare. She alternated between saying “peekaboo” and things along the lines of “Hi baby!” as she removed her hand.

He started to break around the third or fourth time she did it. A smile cracking across his face that eventually devolved into heaving giggles. He didn’t exactly know why it was funny. All he knew was after a few minutes he was cradled in Ellie’s lap, cheeks sore from laughing, feeling incredibly small and floaty. “I love you,” he let slip out, and before he even had time to think she had already responded.

“I love you too my baby,” Ellie said, tickling Alec’s side. She was thankful she’d been able to wrestle him into a diaper earlier, because a thorough wetting accompanied his laughs. He didn’t seem to mind one bit though. He took her hands in his and brought them up to her face before quickly pulling them away again. “Oh I see,” she teased before repeating the motion, “Peekaboo!”

When Alec finally appeared to have enough of peekaboo, Ellie changed him out of his soaking diaper, making a note to pick up more absorbent nappies. Judging by how squishy his bum was he was a heavy wetter when he was really little. 

Miller decided that since play time had gone so well this would be the night she’d test her luck. She sorted through her purse, pulling out a pair of pajamas- short sleeved with footies, and stamped from head to toe with Peppa Pig. She briefly considered not saying anything and trying to slip the pajamas on him unnoticed, however, she quickly dismissed the idea. That would be crossing a line. Instead she held the onesie out to Alec, who shyly took the garment and inspected it. 

“Peppa,” he said behind his pacifier, looking back up at Ellie and pointing at himself. 

“Yeah they’re for you,” Ellie smiled, trying to commit to mind the sight of Alec staring at her with his doe eyes, in nothing but a diaper, sucking steadily on his dummy. She longed for the day she’d be able to take a picture. 

He made a soft noise, handing over the pajamas and waiting to be dressed.


	23. Just an update

Hey, I know it’s been a long time since I’ve updated. This story isn’t abandoned, and I do plan on updating it soon. I know y’all are bored at home but please understand some of us still have to work and have online classes. Don’t get me wrong I’m grateful to have a job and know I’m going to be able to pay my bills but this is a very rough time. 

I also was in a very severe car accident in which my car was totaled at the beginning of March, and since car sales are “inessential” where I am I haven’t been able to buy a new car and haven’t had a stable way to get to work. I am also experiencing a lot of health problems right now due to the car accident and from before the car accident. 

I was in a production of The Vagina Monologues that took up a huge amount of time in January and February. And a whirlwind romance that didn’t end so well that made my mental health take a hit but like 😬 y’all know how it is. 

I’ve been getting a lot of messages on tumblr and stuff about my stories and I am so grateful you guys are still interested and it makes me so glad you all have enjoyed them. I’m writing a bit and will try to update soon but I wanted to let y’all know Why I’ve been gone.Thinking about ya'll and writing. Hope you guys stay safe and stay inside if you can. I frequently reread the comments you guys have left me and I love you.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [My Unhappy Little Pills](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21275525) by [Star_less](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_less/pseuds/Star_less)


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